To Rise Again
by MyVersion41319
Summary: Post Knockout continuation. No lies and no secrets, but not all hugs and joy either. Caskett
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It's been over 2 years, and Rise still drives me nuts. I have actually written this fic twice before and have spent way too much time thinking through the aftermath of Knockout. I finally decided to share. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle in any way, shape, or form**

* * *

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate." Castle watched as her eyes closed and her body went limp in his arms. "Help, I Need Help!" He yelled as he frantically tried to put pressure on wound . "Kate... No... Come on... Kate."

"Castle," Lanie shouted as she approached.

"You gotta help her," he said as he looked up desperately.

"Move," Lanie ordered as she kneeled down and knocked Castle's hand off her best friend's face so she could access her neck to feel for a pulse. Then Lanie leaned down and put her face up Kate's. "Her pulse is faint but she's breathing. Take your jacket off and use it to hold pressure."

Castle was still staring at Kate and made no effort to move.

"Rick! Come on she needs you!"

He seemingly snapped out of it and quickly removed his jacket and pressed it into her chest. He startled as he noticed his hands were covered in blood.

"Good, hold it firm. She's out. It won't hurt her, really press into the wound," Lanie said.

"Kate," Castle whispered barely audibly.

"I hear sirens. Paramedics should be here any minute," Lanie said checking Kate's pulse again. "She's hanging in there. Beckett's tough."

"Here, she's here," a cop yelled running over with 2 paramedics following behind.

"Where's she hit?"

"Upper left chest. She's losing a lot of blood. Passed out about 5 minutes ago. Pulse is weak and she's barely breathing."

"Thanks. We got it," a medic said kneeling down next to Beckett.

"No, I'm a doctor. Start her on a 100% O2 and get a large Bohr IV in her now. Wide open!" Lanie quickly ordered.

The man nodded and put an oxygen mask over Kate's face as the other medic started to cut Beckett's jacket off.

"Sir, can you keep holding pressure?" he asked Castle handing him a stack of gauze pads.

"Yeah... Yeah."

"You're doing great, Rick. Keep changing that," Lanie added and handed him even more gauze.

The other paramedic finished hooking up the monitor and it beeped on as he announced, "Heart rate is 138, Stats down to 72%."

"What's her pressure?" Lanie asked.

"I'm having trouble getting one."

"Give me," Lanie demanded reaching her hand out. "I'm getting about 80 over 55. We have to get her to the hospital now."

"Let's get her up," the medic agreed standing up to grab the gurney. They lifted Kate on to it and sped towards the ambulance.

"You guys coming?" the medic asked Lanie and Castle once Beckett was in the ambulance.

"Yes," they answered simultaneously and climbed inside.

"What hospital are we going to?" Castle asked as they started moving.

"Presbyterian," the medic with them in the back answered.

"I called already, trauma team is standing by," the driver added.

"Good, good, " Castle said quietly continuing to hold pressure on her wound.

"Does she have medical problems or is she on medications?" the medic asked.

"No, uh, just birth control," Lanie answered.

"Any allergies?"

"No"

The monitor started wailing.

"Damn it," the medic said quickly. "Can you bag her?" He asked handing an ambu bag to Lanie.

She grabbed it as the medic began CPR.

"What do I do?" Rick asked as he was forced to move his hands from Kate's chest.

"Just hold her hand," Lanie choked out.

"V-Fib! Everyone clear!" The medic announced reaching out to grab the paddles.

"Castle, let go!" Lanie said sternly.

"Clear"

"She's back!" The medic said with relief. "Keep bagging her. What's our ETA?"

"About a minute. We're close," the driver answered.

When they pulled up to the ambulance bay, the medics quickly unloaded Kate and started explaining her condition to the waiting doctors. They took over for Lanie and Castle as a nurse tried to shuffle them into the waiting room.

"We need you to head to the waiting room. We'll take good care of her," the nurse said politely.

"I'm a doctor. I'm staying with her," Lanie said in a no nonsense tone.

"You're her friend. You need to go to the waiting room. Someone will come out and update you soon."

"Come on, Lanie," Castle said as he spotted Jim, Martha, and Alexis on the other side of the ER.

"How is she?" Jim asked as soon as he saw them approach.

Castle paused for a minute not knowing what to say. "She's a fighter," he finally breathed out.

"Oh Dad," Alexis cried collapsing into his arms. He held her tightly and ran his hand up and down her back. He immediately noticed it was covered in blood, Kate's blood, and stopped.

"Doctor Parish?" Jim asked in a serious tone sensing that she knew something but wasn't saying it.

"They're doing everything they can but..." Lanie trailed off unable to tell her best friend's father that she had practically died in the ambulance.

Jim just nodded solemnly seeing Lanie's distress and taking it for all he wanted to know.

Martha stepped up and rubbed Jim's arm. "We should sit," she said softly.

"Let's go clean up," Lanie said to Castle looking at their bloody hands.

Shortly after they returned from the rest room, a young resident came out. "Family of Katherine Beckett," he announced to the room.

"Yes. I'm her father," Jim said as everyone stood.

"I'm Dr. Geller. We are taking your daughter into surgery now. Dr. Kovacs, our attending cardiothoracic surgeon, is getting ready. "

"How bad is it?"

" We are going to do everything we can, but she has lost a lot of blood, and it appears the bullet did severe damage," the doctor explained.

"Thank you"

"I'll be out to give you updates."

Everyone sat back down, but no one said anything for a long time. Everyone was lost in their own minds. Castle couldn't stop himself from thinking the worst. He wished more than anything that it was Nikki Heat that had been shot. But this was real life and Kate wasn't Nikki, and he sure as hell wasn't in control of the outcome.

"Where are Ryan and Esposito?" Lanie asked breaking the silence.

"I don't know. Still at the cemetery, I think," Jim answered.

"I hope they caught the son of a bitch that did this," Castle chimed in.

"Me too," Lanie and Jim said at the same time.

The group shared a moment of silence with no one knowing what to say.

Castle's phone went off breaking the void. "Speaking of," Castle said seeing Esposito's name on his screen. "Castle, " he answered. "She's in surgery."... "I don't know"... "Did you catch him?" ..."The place was full of cops. How is that even possible?"... "No, I know." ..."Ok, see you soon."

"That was Esposito. They searched the whole grounds and locked down all the exits, but the guy got away. They were able to recover his gun so the lab is going to check for prints maybe we'll get a match," he told the group.

Jim got up and started to walk towards the exit. "Mr. Beckett," Castle called out.

"I just need to go for a walk. I'll be close by," he answered.

"Lanie, how long do you think she'll be in surgery?" Castle asked.

"At this point, the longer the better."

"If they're still operating, she's still alive," Alexis said speaking up for practically the first time since they arrived at the hospital.

"Yeah."

Ryan and Esposito came hustling in and up to the group. "Any change?" Ryan asked.

"No, but it's been over an hour. We should get an update soon, " Lanie answered as she got up and buried herself in Esposito's arms. He quickly closed his body around hers grateful for the comfort as well.

"Where's Jenny?" Castle asked Ryan. He knew she had been at the funeral as well.

"We passed Beckett's dad on the way in. They went to the cafeteria to grab some waters for everyone. He looks like hell. We thought... We thought... well he was standing outside the ER by himself so..." Ryan said.

"She's a fighter," Castle said understanding his point.

"Jenny loves to take care of everyone. Once we knew Beckett was ok, she made him go with her to get everyone something to drink."

"She's a good one, Kevin." Castle replied pulling Ryan into a hug. Castle pulled away shaking his head.

"Lanie," He said getting the woman's attention. "Do you have a phone number for Josh?"

Lanie just looked at him without responding.

"He needs to know. I completely forgot, but someone needs to call him."

"Castle, Kate and Josh broke up."

"What? When?"

"A couple days after you guys got back from LA," Lanie answered.

"Beckett didn't tell me," Castle said in disbelief.

"She was going to. She wanted to."

Castle just shook his head. Why would Kate keep that from him?

"She just needed some time, Rick. That was only like 2 weeks ago and think about everything that has happened since then. She was going to tell you."

"Did the doctor come out?" Jim interrupted as he and Jenny returned to the group.

"No, not yet," Lanie told him.

"I thought they were going to keep us updated."

"I can go check," Castle said. He headed towards the nurse's station just in time to see Dr. Geller come through the double doors.

"You're here for Katherine Beckett?" The doctor asked Castle.

"Yes, yes. We're all over here." Castle showed him over to the group.

"We were able to control the bleeding, and we are working on repairing the damage. She's not out of the woods yet, but things are looking better," Dr. Geller told them.

"Can you tell me more specifics about the damage?" Lanie asked.

"The main source of the bleeding was a tear in her left pulmonary artery, but the bullet also grazed her left ventricle. It doesn't appear to have hit her lung, and we were able to clear her spinal cord, so that's not an issue, but we could still find more damage. We have been focused on the heaviest of the active bleeding. "

"Thank you."

"It should be about 3 more hours," Dr. Geller explained.

"Thanks," Castle said quietly, and the doctor returned through the double doors.

Everyone sat back down, and Lanie began to cry quietly as she placed her head on Esposito's shoulder.

"Lanie?" Rick asked timidly.

"Yeah, Castle."

"Can you translate what the doctor said into English because I thought I heard that she was doing better?"

"She is. I'm relieved... but..."

"But what?"

"Those are serious injuries. It's going to be a very difficult recovery for her."

"Ok.. Ok, we'll deal with it. She's going to be fine. I'll help her. Whatever I can do. Money's not an object."

"Why don't we start by getting dinner for everyone? The doctor said it is going to be another 3 hours. Alexis and I will go get everyone something to eat," Martha chimed in.

"I'm not hungry, but here, take everyone down to cafeteria. I'll wait in case there's news." Castle said reaching into his back pocket for his wallet.

"Richard, you have to eat," Martha said.

"I will... just bring me something up. I'm not leaving in case the doctor comes out."

"I'll stay too," Jim said.

Everyone else reluctantly got up and headed out.

"I'm sorry Sir," Castle spoke up.

"For what?"

"I couldn't protect her."

"You tried, and that's all I asked. I probably didn't even have a right to ask you that. All I know is Katie cares about you, and I thought maybe she would listen if it came from you. I couldn't talk to her about it anymore. I'm lucky she still comes to me with details. When all this came up in January and Detective Raglan was killed, I asked her to be careful, but she's so determined. Before I could even really ask her to back down, she got angry with me," Jim explained.

"We fought about it too. It was... It was bad. Actually, she's not speaking to me right now," Rick chuckled. "Wow, that sounds stupid."

"When she called and told me Captain Montgomery had been killed, she spoke very highly of you, Rick. She said you saved her life."

"Roy did. I just helped."

"Still, thank you...I don't have to tell you this, but Katie is stubborn as hell. She's not going to want any help while she's recovering. Especially if you two aren't on the best terms right now, but you can't let her push you away."

"I'm going to do my best, but I don't want to over step."

"I wouldn't worry about that. I don't think she'll let you get that far," Jim said with a smile.

"Probably not," Castle laughed.

"She cares about you, Rick. Katie only truly fights with those she cares for. Most people she just ignores until they leave."

Castle was about to respond when the group returned.

"Any word?" Ryan asked.

"No," Rick shook his head.

"We brought you guys some coffee and some sandwiches. There's not a lot to pick from down there."

"Thank you."

Everyone settled in for the rest of the wait. About 2 hours later, Dr. Geller and another doctor came out.

"I'm Dr. Kovacs. I'm Detective Beckett's lead surgeon."

"Jim Beckett, I'm her father. These are her friends and partners. How is she?" Jim asked extending his hand to the man.

"She's out of surgery and stable, but we are going to need to watch her very closely."

"Can I see her?"

"The nurses are getting her settled and then someone will take you back. The rest of you should go home, get some rest, and come back in the morning."

"I'm not leaving," Castle resisted.

"I can only let immediate family back to see her right now. We are keeping her sedated at least over night. You will be back before she wakes up."

"I'm still not leaving."

"Dad, let's go get some sleep. She'll need you tomorrow," Alexis added putting her hands on her dad's arm.

The doctors excused themselves saying they would be around to answer any questions, and they would go through her whole treatment plan in the morning.

"We need to set up security on her room. The shooter's still out there. If he finds out she's alive..." Castle said to Ryan and Esposito once the group was alone.

Esposito turned to Ryan."We'll stay," Ryan said in agreement with his partner's silent question."We can set up a permanent detail in the morning. People we trust."

"I'll stay with you guys," Castle immediately volunteered.

"Castle, our job is to stand outside Beckett's door with guns. Yours is to take care of her and to do that you need to take care of yourself," Esposito said firmly.

"Call me if anything happens. Anything," Castle relented.

"We will." Ryan agreed.

* * *

**A/N: So there's chapter one. I hope you enjoyed it. Consider this my personal head cannon for how season four should have began (extended edition lol). There's a lot more to come. I plan to include more medicine and recovery than we saw on the show. The majority of this story will focus on Beckett's recovery as well as her and Castle's relationship. Please leave a review. Positive or negative, I love hearing people's thoughts. Next chapter will be up in day or two.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Meagan**


	2. Chapter 2

When they got home, Castle took a long, hot shower to try to clear his mind. Afterwards, he went upstairs to check on his mother and daughter before going to bed. He felt like it was pointless to lay down because he knew he wasn't actually going to fall asleep. He really wanted to go back to the hospital, but that wasn't really an option since everyone had made it clear he should get some rest. As he walked down the hall, he noticed Alexis's room was dark, but he could hear sniffling coming from inside.

"Alexis?" he asked as he softly knocked on the door.

"Yeah"

"Are you ok?" he asked and opened the door slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't fall asleep," she responded, but Castle could tell by her voice that she had been crying.

"Mind if I come in and turn the light on?"

"No," she said shifting to sit up in bed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't really there for you earlier. Do you want to talk?" He asked as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"I was so scared," Alexis said softly and scooted closer to her father.

"I know, sweetheart. I was too." He pulled her into a tight hug.

"You could have been the one shot. You tried to take that bullet for her. It could have been you."

"I wasn't thinking, and I just acted. I just wanted to protect her. I can't apologize for that."

"I need you to be careful. I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Rick said giving her another squeeze.

"Do you think the person that shot her is going to come back and try again?"

"I don't know. I hope not, but we are going to be very careful. Ryan and Esposito are going to set up security. I'll hire private people too. We are all going to be fine."

"What time are you going to see Beckett in the morning?"

"I'm not sure, but it will be early. I think you and Gram should stay home and get some sleep. You can come by the hospital later," Castle replied.

"You'll keep us updated?"

"I will"

"I care about her too, you know. You're not the only one."

"I know you do, and I know she cares about you too."

Alexis yawned and snuggled further into her father's side.

"Try to get some sleep, Pumpkin. We can talk more tomorrow," Castle said and softly kissed the top of her head.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Alexis."

Castle headed back downstairs and got in bed. He checked his phone once again to make sure he didn't have any messages and the ringer was up all the way. Satisfied with it he set it on his dresser and attempted to fall asleep.

* * *

At 7am Castle arrived at the hospital and went straight to the ICU. It wasn't hard to spot Ryan and Esposito sitting on both sides of a room's entrance. Castle bypassed the nurse's station and went right to them.

"How is she?"

"No change overnight. The nurses said that's good," Ryan answered.

"Ok, Ok. Is her dad in there?"

"Yeah, but I think he's asleep. He hasn't left all night."

"Did the doctor come by yet?" Castle asked.

"No, but he should be here soon. They've been working their way around," Esposito replied as he pointed to the group of doctors entering a patient's room 2 doors over.

"We talked last night about setting up a security detail. LT and Velasquez are coming at 9 to take over for us, and we are heading over to the precinct to see if we can get the lab report from the gun and look over all the witness statements. We need to get moving on the investigation," Ryan added.

"What can I do?" Castle asked.

"We'll call if we find anything, but for now just stay with her. We are still not 100% sure who can be trusted.. not after... And she should wake up some time relatively soon so you should be here," Esposito answered.

"You guys seem to think she is going to need me. Since when does Kate Beckett need anyone? She's never going to let me take care of her, and I need to do something."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. Beckett is stronger than any of us, but after all this she is going to need someone, and we all know no matter what she says you aren't going to leave her side," Ryan offered.

"Yeah... Ok," Castle shrugged. He refused to get his hopes up that Kate would accept his help. "Do you think I should hire private security?"

"I don't think we're there yet. We have people set up for the next 24, and Ryan and I will be back too," Esposito answered quickly.

"But you guys need to sleep sometime and someone has to run the investigation," Castle questioned.

"Maybe you should hire someone? It would have to be someone we could trust, so I don't know, but we really need to get to work to catch this guy," Ryan relented.

"It's our job to protect her. I don't even want to leave her with LT and Velazquez. I'm not leaving her safety in someone I don't know's hands," Esposito answered in a no nonsense tone.

"Javi, we can't be everywhere at once," Ryan said struggling not to raise his voice.

"If we couldn't even trust Montgomery, tell me who the hell we can?" Esposito replied with fire.

"I don't know, but we have to do something."

"Gentlemen!" Jim Beckett grabbed everyone's attention.

"Sorry, Sir," the three younger men said together.

"The nurses are going to kick you guys out. They let you stay, don't go and get yourselves booted out of here. Someone tell me what the problem is. Did something happen?"

"No, we are just trying to figure out the best way to keep Kate safe," Castle answered after a pause.

"I appreciate it. I really do. I know you guys want to protect Katie, but we are going to have to find a better way to keep her safe than arguing in the hallway."

"We will," Esposito answered sharply still riled up.

"Good morning. I hope I'm not interrupting," Dr. Kovacs greeted everyone.

"No, of course not. Good morning doctors," Jim said with a smile.

"If you would like to come in with us, we are going to do an exam and talk about what our plans are for today."

"Yes, thank you."

"I'm sorry. Family only. Until she is conscious and gives her consent, I can't give you any more information," Dr. Kovacs said as he stopped Castle from following Jim.

"When do you think she is going to wake up?"

"Soon, but she is going to be on a lot of medication. She will be groggy, and in and out of sleep for most of the day. We want to keep her as comfortable as possible. I don't except her to be fully conscious till this evening or likely tomorrow morning."

"Ok. Thank You"

Castle just stood there and watched as Jim and the doctors went into her room, pulled the curtain, and slid the clear door shut.

"Have you seen her yet?" Ryan asked

"No. I think I'm going to wait till she wakes up," Castle replied.

"You're allowed to go in when they're done."

"I... I just don't think I can see her like that. I was only going to go in to hear what the doctor said."

Ryan and Esposito just nodded, and the three men silently stood guard until Jim and the doctors came out.

"They stopped giving her the sedative so she should wake up in about an hour. They want us to move to the waiting room in a little bit, so they can ... so they can take her off the ventilator," Jim uneasily told them after the doctors left.

"Ok. That's good," Castle said trying to lighten the mood a bit, but failing.

"Dr. Kovacs said everything looks fine. Her blood work and chest x- ray from this morning look good. They want to just let her rest today, but they will have to do a few tests tomorrow to determine fully where she's at."

"Ok. Sounds good."

"Do you want to go in?" Jim asked Castle.

"No, no. I'm just going to wait till she's awake."

"Ok, well we should head to the waiting room so they can take care of everything," Jim said knowingly. It hadn't been easy for him to see Kate like that either.

"I need to call Lanie. Can you wait here until they are ready to start?" Esposito asked Ryan.

"Yeah, not a problem," he responded.

* * *

"Rick Castle?" A nurse called as she came flying out to the waiting room.

"That's me," Castle answered as he stood.

"I need you to come with me right now."

"What happened?"

"Detective Beckett is asking for you," the nurse explained gesturing for Castle to follow her. She rambled on as they walked,"She's awake but in a lot of pain. We just need to examine her and check a few things. Then, we can give her pain medication, and she'll be able to go back to sleep."

"What do I do?" Rick asked trying not to panic.

"Just try to keep her calm and help her through till the medicine kicks in."

Castle didn't know what to do as he entered the room. Beckett was sitting up in bed struggling to breathe and clearly in pain.

"Kate," was all Rick could force out of his mouth as he approached her bed.

"Castle," she rasped barely audible.

"It's ok. You're ok. The doctors are going to help," he said softly reaching for her hand.

"Just take some slow breaths, Detective. We are giving you some pain medication," a nurse added.

"Castle," Beckett rasped again squeezing his hand.

"I know it hurts. You're going to feel better soon. Hang in there, Kate."

"I love you too," she whispered.

"Oh, Kate. I love you," Castle replied as his eyes filled with tears.

"I'm tired," Kate said around a small smile.

"Just rest. It's ok. Close your eyes." Castle leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"You'll be here?"

"I'm not going anywhere".

* * *

**A/N: I have had that ending scene in my head practically since right after Knockout aired. Hope you enjoyed it. I would love to hear your thoughts! Good, bad, or otherwise leave me a comment. Kate will actually be awake in most of the next chapter :) It should be up tomorrow, but don't get used to every day updates lol I'm doing my best.  
**

**Thanks,**

**Meagan**


	3. Chapter 3

"She's out," Castle said looking up at the doctor as felt Kate's hand go limp in his.

"We gave her a lot of pain medicine and a small sedative. She should wake up in a few hours. Right now the best way to manage her pain is to help her sleep. By tomorrow, she should be able to be awake for longer periods of time."

"Ok. Thank You."

"When she wakes up just hit the call button and someone will be right in. In the mean time, nurses will be in and out every hour or so to change her IV's or check her vitals."

Castle nodded in understanding and took a seat next to Kate's bed.

A few minutes later, Jim came in. "How is she?" He asked.

"Good, I think. The medicine is going to make her sleep for a couple of hours."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah...yeah I did," Castle said with a smile.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"How much danger do you think she is in? I know you guys were fighting over security."

"I honestly don't know. I thought everything was settled the night Captain Montgomery was killed, but I guess not."

"What happened that night?" Jim asked.

"It's ... complicated. I think Kate should be the one to tell you."

"It's ok, Rick. I'm not going to push you."

"Thank you, Sir."

"It's Jim."

"Knock, knock," Lanie announced from the door.

"Hey Lanie," Castle greeted.

"I brought you guys some lunch," she said coming in and putting a bag on the table.

"Thanks"

"It looks like she's doing better. She's breathing on her own, and her blood pressure looks good. Honestly, I was expecting her numbers to be lower. I haven't gotten my hands on her chart yet, but I'd say she's in good shape. Any idea when she is going to wake up? Javi told me she was up for a real little bit earlier."

"Dr. Kovacs said a couple hours," Jim said standing up and walking over next Lanie.

"I just really need to hear her voice," Lanie said softly as she tucked a piece of Kate's hair behind her ear and straightened her nasal cannula.

"I know, me too." Jim placed a comforting hand on Lanie's shoulder.

"I can't stay long. Things are crazy at work, but I'm going to take the next few days off. I want to be here."

"You're a good friend."

"She would do it for me," Lanie replied sadly. "Keep me updated. I'll be back after my shift or if you need me."

"Will do. I'll see you later," Castle said.

The men took their seats back beside Kate's bed and had their lunch.

"I'm going to step out and call Esposito real quick," Castle said after they were done.

"Take your time. I'll be here."

He took a walk down to the waiting room and dialed.

"Esposito," the detective answered.

"Hey, you guys find anything?"

"Not yet. The gun was clean for prints, but the lab recovered DNA. They are processing it as we speak. I was waiting till we heard to call you."

"Anything in the witness statements?"

"Some people mentioned seeing a grounds keeper running in the chaos, but the cemetery says there shouldn't have been anyone in the area. No one got a good enough look to give a description other than tall, white guy."

"Maybe we'll get a DNA match."

"Hopefully. How's Beckett?," Esposito asked.

"She's sleeping. Lanie was here and said that her vitals were stronger than she anticipated."

"Good, Good. I gotta get back to work. I'm trying to get through to the DOJ to trace the gun. Ryan is working on security cam footage. The cemetery has a few cameras on the main building and the larger mausoleums."

"Ok, Thanks Espo. I'll talk to you later."

Castle was hoping for better news, but at least it seemed like they had a direction.

"Anything?" Jim asked as Castle walked back in Kate's room.

"Nothing concrete, but they are working on a couple different avenues."

"I hope this is enough to make Katie back down. She can't keep chasing this thing."

Before Castle could answer, they heard Kate stir. The men jumped up and were at her side instantly.

"I'm going to get a nurse," Castle said when Kate whimpered and her eyes started to flutter.

"Katie, Honey, can you hear me?" Jim softly asked.

"Dad?"

"I'm here, sweetheart."

"Hurts," Kate murmured.

"Rick's getting your nurse."

"Water?" she asked.

"I don't know if you're allowed."

"She can have a little, but small sips," the nurse said as she entered. She turned to Kate, "Your stomach will probably be a bit upset from the anesthesia."

Castle handed a cup to Jim who held it up so the straw was at Kate's lips. She tried to reach up and grab it from him, but winced and dropped her arm.

"Let me hold it, Katie."

She took a sip but started coughing frantically. The nurse instantly stopped working on her IV machine and was at her side helping her lean forward.

"Shh you're ok. Just breathe. You're ok," the nurse comforted.

After a moment Kate leaned back and collapsed against her mountain of pillows."Damn," she whispered as tears rolled down her face.

"I'm giving you medicine. It will kick in soon," the nurse said kindly.

Kate just closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

"I think she's asleep," Jim said after a moment.

"Hopefully, next time she wakes up she won't be in so much pain. We are limited in how much we can give her until all of the anesthesia from surgery is out of her system."

"How much longer does that take?" Castle asked.

"Just till tomorrow morning. We'll get her started on a steady pain management plan and set up a PAC pump so she can be in control of some of her doses," the nurse explained.

"Thank you"

"I'm Amy, by the way. I'll be here during the day," she said extending her hand.

Castle and Jim introduced themselves and shook her hand.

"Don't hesitate to page or come find me if you need anything."

"Thanks."

"I hate when she cries," Jim said after a few minutes. "I know she only does when she's really hurting. Even as a little girl, she never cried when she was hurt. I swear Katie would come in from outside with her knee all bloody or something, and Jo would get all worked up while Katie acted like she barely noticed."

"Sounds about right," Castle smiled.

The rest of the day past slowly. Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan came by but, Kate slept right through it. Castle talked to Alexis a few times, but there was no real point in her coming to the hospital. Kate had slept right through the rest of the day, and the nurses said she probably wouldn't wake up till very late or even morning. Around 10pm, Castle convinced Jim to go home for the night. Rick offered to stay so Kate wouldn't be alone when she finally woke. Considering how much pain she had been in earlier, he was happy to see her sleep so peacefully. Rick tried to stay awake as long as possible, but eventually, he dosed off in the chair beside her bed.

"Castle?" Kate choked out.

"Hey, you're awake," he said as he startled to his feet.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 3 am," Castle answered looking at his phone.

"I slept all day?"

"Yeah. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, less pain than earlier."

"Good," Castle replied softly as he squeezed her hand. He got completely caught up in her being conscious in front of him and her hand in his.

"You're looking at me like what I think happened actually happened," Kate said timidly.

"What do you think happened?"

"I think you told me you loved me," she whispered.

"I did, " Castle said as a huge smile grew on his face.

"And I think I said it back."

"You did."

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes," he replied with absolute confidence.

"It's ok if you just said it because I was dying. I'm not going to hold it against you. We can just forget it happened," she said tugging her hand from his.

"No, No. I mean it. I love you Kate."

"So help me God if you're lying," she murmured and looked away.

"I'm not. I swear...Did you mean it?"

"I did, but ... I can't do this right now. Not with everything else. I can't be in a relationship. I'm not even sure what is going on in my life right now," Kate said turning her head back to look at him.

"I know. That's ok. We will work it all out together. No pressure. No rush."

"Thank you." Kate took his hand back in hers.

"Always," Castle said giving her hand a small squeeze.

They paused and looked into each other's eyes. God, Rick wanted to kiss her, but that was a bad idea for a lot of reasons. He meant it. He would wait until she was ready, physically and emotionally.

"How bad is it?" Kate asked using their joined hands to gesture to her body.

"I should let your doctor explain, but you're going to be fine. The bullet did a lot of damage, but the surgery went well."

"What's my recovery time look like?"

"I don't know. I don't think the doctors said."

"Great," she muttered rolling her eyes.

Castle chuckled. God, It was good to see that. "Everything's going to be fine. It just is going to take a while to get there," he said his voice shifting back to seriousness.

Kate tried to nod her head but ended up moving too much and wincing. She had been in pain since she woke up, but she really needed to talk to Castle. Her head had been too foggy earlier, and she needed to know what was going on. Kate wasn't ready to dive into a relationship with him, but she had to know where they stood. The thought of losing him was more than she could handle right now. The past few days had shown her she really couldn't just kick him out of her life.

"I think it's time I called the nurse," Castle said softly.

"Yeah, ok."

Castle gently reached over and hit the call button. "How bad's the pain? Be honest." He asked.

"It's bad," she whispered trying to hold tears at bay.

"You're awake. Nice to get to talk to you, Detective. I'm Julie. I'm your over night nurse. How are you feeling?" She seemed way too upbeat to be working in a hospital at 3 am.

"Better than earlier. The pain's not as sharp," Kate replied.

"Can you describe the pain?"

"Um, it's pretty much my whole chest. It just hurts, I don't know."

"Is it worse when you take a breath?"

"Yeah definitely," Kate said quickly.

"Are you short of breath?"

"No, not really. It just seems like it takes a lot of effort."

"Ok, good. That's perfectly normal. Your chest is going to feel tight for awhile, but I'm going to give you something for the pain. Dr. Kovacs will talk everything through with you in the morning."

"Thank you."

"No problem. Call if you need anything," Julie said as she left.

"You didn't have to stay all night," Kate murmured as she picked up Rick's hand again since he had let go when the nurse came in.

"I wasn't going to leave you alone. Your dad stayed last night, and I don't think Lanie or the guys have slept at all since it happened," Castle explained.

"You don't look like you've slept either."

"Are saying I'm not pretty, Detective?"

"Castle," Beckett said rolling her eyes. After a couple seconds of silence she asked, "Did the boys arrest the shooter?"

"Kate..."

"Just tell me," she said firmly.

"He got away... But Ryan and Esposito have been working nonstop."

"Any leads?"

"There's a couple of areas they're looking into. We still have-"

"Castle," she interrupted.

"We're going to find him."

"Yeah like we find everyone else involved in this case," she replied sarcastically.

"You should rest. We can talk in the morning."

"I'm fine."

"Kate, the meds have put you right to sleep all day. I know you have to be exhausted."

"Yeah, ok," she gave in.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had better news."

"No, it's not your fault."

"I promise. Everything's going to be ok. No matter what happens," Castle said as he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. It was kind of a risky move, but he knew she needed the comfort.

"I wish I could believe you," Kate whispered after a moment.

"Give it time."

It wasn't long before they both fell asleep.

* * *

"Good Morning," Dr. Kovacs greeted entering the room.

"Good Morning," Beckett mumbled half awake.

"Nice to see you awake. I'm Dr. Kovacs. I doubt you remember much from yesterday."

"I do actually," she replied getting her barrings. Her chest hurt, but it was tolerable.

"Good. I'd like to do an exam, and then we can talk about your injuries and treatment plan. I'll answer all your questions."

"Ok, thank you."

"Guys, if you could step out for a minute, I need to take a look at her wound and incision?" Dr. Kovacs asked Castle and Jim. Kate hadn't even realized her father slipped in at some point in the morning.

"Castle, can you call Lanie?" She asked as they walked out.

"Yeah, I'll check with her, but she should be on her way. She said last night she would be here around 7."

"We're running a little ahead of schedule this morning," Dr. Kovacs explained.

"She's a close friend and a doctor. I'd like her here when you explain everything."

"Not a problem. I know it can be hard to understand all the medical jargon especially with the amount of medication your on. I promise I'll do my best to explain everything."

"Thank You."

Dr. Kovacs and a nurse removed all of Kate's bandages and replaced them with clean ones. Kate was glad that with the way they had her lay down she couldn't really see her chest. She wasn't quite ready to face it yet.

"Ok, so everything looks good. I can go out and get whoever you want to come in. We have only been talking to your father since he's immediate family, but now that your conscious it's your choice who you want us to be able to talk to," Dr. Kovacs explained.

"My Dad, Lanie Parish, and... Richard Castle."

"I'll be right back."

Everyone filed into the room and took a seat. Jim, Lanie, and Castle sat around Kate's bed while Dr. Kovacs sat at the foot.

"We are going to do a couple of tests today, so I'll be able to give you a more complete idea later, but let me tell you what we know now. Our biggest concern when you came in was blood loss. The bullet tore one of your pulmonary arteries causing a lot of bleeding very quickly. From what I could tell your friends did an excellent job in the field trying to slow it down." Kate turned and smiled at Lanie and Castle. "We did surgery to repair the damage and remove the bullet," Dr. Kovacs continued.

"Did we get ballistics?" Beckett interrupted looking at Castle.

"Katherine!" Jim scolded.

"Later, ok?" Castle asked her.

Kate just nodded in response and looked back at her doctor. "Sorry, can you continue?"

"Yeah, sure, so there was also some damage to your pulmonary vein, and the left ventricle of your heart. It appears when the bullet entered, it was at an angle so that it tore your pulmonary artery and continued down and grazed your pulmonary vein and ventricle. Now the artery and vein were a relatively easy fix once we got the bleeding under control. The biggest issue now is the damage to your left ventricle. My concern is that when the bullet hit it damaged your mitral valve between your left atrium and left ventricle. I repaired the valve as well as the surrounding tissue, but the mitral valve can cause a lot of different cardiac problems. The surgery was successful, but it is entirely possible that you'll have palpations or arrhythmias while it heals. If it becomes a significant issue you may need surgery to replace the valve, but I really believe that the damage wasn't significant enough for that to be necessary. The repair should hold, and it should heal. Your echocardiogram post-op looked good. We also need to look out for the normal post-op complications like blood clots, pulmonary embolisms, infections, and pneumonia. With me so far?"

"Uhh.. yeah," Kate said obviously confused. So much for simple terms.

"Ok, so as long as the tests today come back good, I want you to just sit tight and rest. We are going to be adjusting your meds and helping you get your strength up a little bit. I can't have you out of bed until the chest tube comes out, so probably about 2 more days."

"What all is she on? I tried to read the IV bags, but most are inside a pump," Lanie asked.

"Yeah, sorry we couldn't tell you before we had her consent. She's on... " Dr. Kovacs opened Kate's chart and started flipping through, "Dobutamine, Isoprenaline, Atropine, Digoxin, Lasix, Coumadin, wide spectrum antibiotics, and we are still giving her blood products. Plus for pain, she's on Diladud and Morphine. That will probably need adjusted now that she's awake, and we can add something if nausea or headaches become an issue. We'll get her set with a PCA pump. Oh, and I have an order in for Diazepam if she needs it."

"That is a lot," Kate said shocked.

"Sorry, Sweetie," Lanie offered gently.

"I'd say right now without any complications you'll be spending about 2 weeks with us, Detective," Dr. Kovacs explained.

Kate just nodded as she tried to take everything in.

"Then we'll deal with homecare," Dr. Kovacs added.

"Homecare?"

"You'll need someone to stay with you for 4 to 6 weeks once you go home. And then there's physical therapy," Dr. Kovacs stated like it was obvious.

"Oh." Kate was definitely not expecting all of this.

"I know it seems overwhelming, but it looks like you have a great support system," Dr. Kovacs room was quiet as everyone tried to wrap their heads around all the information."I think that about covers everything for now. Any questions?"Everyone was still too overwhelmed to come up with any."Ok well there will be some nurses and techs in and out today to do the EKG, echo, and chest x-ray. I will be back to go over the results with you once everything's done."

"Thanks," Kate said softly.

"Thank you, doctor," Jim added.

"Dad, Castle, can you guys go get some breakfast or coffee or something? I'd like to talk to Lanie for a few minutes," Kate asked.

"Yeah, sure"

"Kate," Lanie said after they had been alone for a few minutes.

"I'm fine, just give me a second...I knew it was bad, and my chest hurt like hell every time I was awake yesterday, but..."

"It's a lot to take in when you hear everything at once," Lanie finished.

"Yeah... I knew I could have died, but I didn't realize..."

Lanie reached out and grabbed Kate's hand giving it a small squeeze."You're going to be fine. Dr. Kovacs didn't sugar coat things, and I think he came off too harsh and technical. Remember, the surgery is over, and the damage is repaired. Yes, there's a lot of things that could still go wrong, but that doesn't mean they will."

"There's like 12 different things that could kill me at practically any minute not to mention the shooter is still loose."

"Hey, do not think like that. You're going to be fine. Dr. Kovacs is good. I looked him up and so did Castle. You know that man would have had you transferred out of here by now if you weren't getting the best possible care. We are all going to be here making sure everything is ok. I took the next couple days off, so I'll be here. I've been doing research and brushing up on all kinds of cardiac issues and medications I haven't seen since med school. I got your back."

"Thanks, Lanie"

"Don't mention it."

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle in any way, shape, or form.**

**A/N:****Whew! That one was a beast to write, but I think it turned out well.********Thanks to everyone for reading this story and all your follows and reviews. I'm so excited that people care about this story. You're response has blown me away.**Next chapter will be up Friday or Saturday. 

**I have too much to say about this one to say it all, but a couple comments: Sorry for all the medical talk, but it was necessary to get my point across. I hope it worked. I wanted everyone, especially Kate, to really be hit in the face with the severity of her condition. I also really love medicine, and the research was fun. I'm a premed student. I highly doubt all those medications could actually be used together, but I did some research on drug interactions, and I didn't find anything that specifically said they couldn't. Yes, I'm a nerd with too much time on her hands. Anyway, don't take it too seriously. Also, I know in Rise it says Beckett's main bleed is in her pulmonary vein not artery, but because I'm me I checked out a diagram of the heart and tried to map a trajectory for the bullet. The arteries are higher up so it fit my visual better for that to be the most damaged. That probably makes no sense lol I doubt anyone noticed I changed that or cared, but I'm a stickler for details. I told you I have thought a lot about this lol On another note, it took me forever to figure out how I wanted Castle and Beckett's talks to go, but I think it turned out well. Drop me a comment and let me know what you think of their progression. Ok, A/N is over. Thank you if you are stilling reading it.**

**Meagan**


	4. Chapter 4

"Can I ask you something?" Kate said timidly.

"Of course," Lanie replied.

"What do you think of Castle?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure."

"We've talked about this before. You know I think he's a good guy, and he cares about you. Despite, the little show you put on, you care about him too. Yes, he's made his mistakes, but everyone has. He wants to help you, Kate, and I think you should let him."

"But..."

"I'm not going to put any pressure on you, but I think you should talk to him, and let him talk to you too. The man's terrified to scare you away."

Kate smiled as she thought about what Lanie's reaction would be if she knew the truth.

"What?" Lanie asked seeing her smile.

"Nothing."

Kate's nurse, Amy, and a guy that was wheeling a machine behind him came in. "Hi, I'm Mark Harrison. I'm going to be doing your echocardiogram today."

"Ok," Kate said trying to sound nonchalant about it.

"I need to take some of your bandages off, so he can place the wand directly on your chest," Amy added as she put a pair of gloves on.

"I'll be as gentle and quick as I can," Mark said.

"Do you want me to stay? I can duck out and go find the guys," Lanie asked.

"No, stay. Please," Kate answered quickly.

Mark was true to his word. The incision was really tender, but it was tolerable. The pain deep in her ribs was starting to grow, but she didn't really think that was his fault.

"How's it look?" Kate asked after a moment.

"Oh sorry, I'm a tech. I can't give you any type of diagnosis. I'll send the images to your doctor, and he'll come talk to you," Mark replied.

"Lanie?"

"Sorry, Sweetie. I'm a ME. I haven't read an echo in almost 10 years."

"So we wait," Kate sighed.

"I'm all done. I will get this in the system and sent to your doc. I hope you get your results back quickly," Mark said as he cleaned the gel off her chest.

"Thank you," Kate smiled.

"How are you feeling?" Amy asked.

"Tired," she replied.

"That's understandable. How's your pain? We are going to get you a PCA pump this afternoon, but for now you're stuck telling me when you need more medicine."

"Um, I'm good for now. Thanks,"

"Kate," Lanie said sternly.

"Ok, I guess I could use a little."

"No problem. Don't hesitate to hit the call button if you need anything at all," Amy offered as she added the medicine to Kate's IV and headed out.

"I've been watching your heart rate tick up. I knew you had to be hurting," Lanie said.

"It's really not that bad," Beckett defended.

"I'm going to go ahead and let you keep lying for now."

"Lanie"

"There is absolutely no shame in taking pain meds. You got shot."

"I know."

"Ok, but you better use that pump, or I'll start hitting the button for you."

"I will."

"It's Esposito," Lanie said as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. "I'll be back. Try to get some rest."

As soon as Kate closed her eyes, she heard someone come in.

"Sleep, Katie," Jim said when she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Where's Castle?"

"On the phone with Alexis."

"I'm awake. We should talk."

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I think you just won the prize for being the 1 millionth person to ask me that."

"Everybody's just worried."

"I know," Kate relented.

"I need you to let your team handle this case. Detectives Ryan and Esposito are fully capable, and you need to rest. Your mother wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger for her." Jim planned to take advantage of the time he had alone with her.

"Don't pull the 'what mom would have wanted' card," Kate said sternly.

"Katie, please."

"The shooter is still out there. If we don't catch him, he'll just come back and try again. These people don't stop. They are probably waiting to see if I die on my own before they bother to try to kill me again."

"You're not dying." Jim was not going to let her talk like that.

"You heard the doctor."

"You're the strongest person I know, by far. If complications arise, we'll deal with it. If you need another surgery, we'll do it. I know you hate this and I do too, but Katie you're going to be fine."

She nodded slowly as she gave in and let tears fall.

"Oh, honey," Jim said softly, and he got up from his chair."I don't want to hurt you," he whispered as he put his arms around her carefully.

"I miss Mom," she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Me too, me too... But catching the guy who had her killed won't bring her back."

"I know," Kate replied as Jim released her. He was afraid to hold her for too long or too tight.

"I'm going to let Ryan and Esposito run the investigation till I can go back to work. They probably will have to close the case before then since I assume it will be months, but maybe they'll find something," Kate said after a few moments.

"Thank you."

"They have security set up, right?"

"Yes, but you have to ask Castle, Ryan, or Esposito about the specifics."

"I'll talk to them. "

"You should rest. I think everyone is coming by later."

"I am tired," she admitted.

* * *

That evening Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Jim, and Castle were all gathered in Kate's room. Somehow Castle managed to charm the nurses into letting that many people come in at once, but they were only allowed to stay for a little bit.

"I want to thank you guys for all the work you've been doing on this case," Kate said.

"Hey, you know you don't need to thank us," Ryan shook his head.

"I'm going to stay completely uninvolved till I'm cleared to go back to active duty. If it's still an open case, I'll take a look at whatever you guys find."

"Thank you," Castle said. He couldn't help it. He was so relieved to hear her say that.

"Just let me know if you catch the bastard," Kate said with fire in her voice.

"Of course," Esposito replied.

"I don't want you guys taking big chances either, especially you Castle, Ryan and Esposito at least have training, they can handle dangerous situations. I need all of you to be careful. No heroics. Wear your vests everywhere and back off if it gets too hot. I mean it."

"You got it, boss," Ryan nodded.

But Esposito jumped in, "Beckett, we will bring this guy down. We found a lead earlier-"

"Javi, I don't want to know. I can't let myself go back down that rabbit hole... at least not till I'm back on my feet."

"Alright," Esposito agreed.

"Now tell me about security, does everyone have a detail?"

"You, your dad, Lanie, and Castle. If anything happens we can add more," Ryan answered.

"Wait I have a detail?" Lanie asked. This was the first she was hearing of it. She had spent most of her time either with Kate or Javi, she didn't need her own protection too.

"Yeah, you're Beckett's best friend. It's entirely possible you could know details about the case," Esposito answered.

"Javi, I'm fine. I don't need protection, and you should have told me about this," Lanie replied getting angry.

"It's just for a week or so. We haven't had any incidents or threats. There's no reason to believe any one is in danger, but we want to be certain," Castle said hoping to calm her down. He then turned to Kate, "We ran background checks on all your doctors and nurses as well."

"NYPD is paying for all this?" Beckett asked.

"We had officers for the first 2 nights, but I hired a private firm to take over today."

"Castle-"

"No, I'm not messing around with this," he interjected firmly.

"Fine," she relented. Secretly, she was relieved to know everyone was safe. Castle was being pushy about it, but she was still happy it was taken care of.

"I think we should call it a night," Jim said breaking the little staring contest his daughter and Rick were engaged in.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow. Thanks for everything," Kate said agreeing.

They filed out with a chorus of "Good nights", and Lanie told everyone that would listen to call her if anything happened. Jim and Castle came back though.

"You guys should go too. You both look exhausted," Kate said.

"I'll stay. Rick stayed last night," Jim offered. "You should go see your family." He turned to Castle.

"They're fine. I just called home a little bit ago."

"Castle, I appreciate it, but you really should go. You need to eat a decent meal, shower, and get some sleep. Plus, Alexis is probably scared and she needs you home," Kate insisted.

"You're going to stay?" He asked Jim.

"No, he's leaving too. I'll be fine."

"Katie," Jim sighed.

"No, you need sleep and food too. I will be fine alone for one night. I will see you both in the morning."

"Are you sure?" Her father asked.

"Yes."

"You'll call if you need anything at all?" Castle added.

"Yes, and the hospital has both your numbers."

They begrudgingly left. Kate was glad they agreed because she really needed to hit the pain pump as many times as it would let her and go to sleep. Her chest was on fire, and she really didn't want to have to hide it any longer.

* * *

Castle rolled over away from the loud shrill of his phone still basically asleep. After a second, he startled awake and lunged for the phone suddenly very aware. His fear was confirmed when he saw "New York Presbyterian Hospital" on the screen.

"Hello"

"Richard Castle?"

"Yes. Is Kate ok?"

"This is Julie her nurse. Detective Beckett's having a hard night. It looks like she had a nightmare. Her heart rate is up, and she hyperventilated when she first woke."

"I'm on my way," he responded quickly.

"We gave her some medication to help her calm down, but she's been asking for you."

"I'll be right there. Thank you for calling."

Castle got up and practically flew to the hospital. He stormed right into her room. "Kate," he said quietly when he saw her. She was sitting up in bed and had tear tracks down cheeks. She opened her arms, and he walked over and gently hugged her. As soon as Kate could reach him, she latched on as hard as she could. He gripped her tighter in response but still was cautious of her injuries.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered and put her head on his shoulder refusing to let him go.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm right here, Kate," he soothed. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, and she began to cry again. "Shh, it's ok. You're ok."

"It was so real."

"It was just a dream. I'm here." Castle sat on the edge of the bed at her hip and tried to help her rest against the pillows. He knew she couldn't stay upright for long even with him holding her.

"I thought I lost you."

"No, no, never."

"I love you," Kate whispered as she leaned heavily into his side. Castle put his arm around her shoulders.

"I love you too." He kissed the top of her head and rubbed his hand up and down her arm. After a long moment he said, "You should lay down. Try to go back to sleep," and he shifted to get up.

"No!" She grabbed his arm. "I can't go back to sleep."

"Come on, you're exhausted. I promise I'll be here when you wake up," he said softly.

"Don't leave," she begged.

"I'm just going to sit in the chair so you have more space. Trust me Kate, I want to hold you, but if we stay like this you are going to be really sore. What if I help you scoot over in bed a little bit, and once you get comfortable, I'll move the chair right up to the edge, so I can still be really close?"

She nodded, and he helped her shift. He slide the chair so its side was directly touching the side of the bed.

"Give me your hand," she whispered.

He gave it to her without hesitation, but she grabbed it and pulled practically his whole arm into bed with her. Castle smiled and wiggled a bit in his seat to make it work for him too.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked after a moment, but she didn't answer because she was already fast asleep.

* * *

**A/N: Thank You so much for all your kind reviews! I'm really glad everyone liked the medical section. There is more medicine coming up in the next chapter. Also this story is super close to 100 followers. Thank You to everyone who has followed and favorited. As always, I would love to know what you thought of this chapter. Did I keep Kate in character? I'm trying to balance her strength with the inevitable problems she must face from her situation. I really love the nightmare scene. I wanted her to be very open and vulnerable. I also opened her up a lot in her talk with her dad. What did you think? Thanks for reading. Next chapter will be up Monday.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Thanks,**

**Meagan**


	5. Chapter 5

The nurse woke them up a few hours later while taking Beckett's vitals. Castle got up and moved back so he wouldn't be in the way.

"I also need to draw some blood, and I believe you are getting a chest x-ray at some point this to see about getting the chest tube out," Amy said.

"Go for it," Beckett stuck her arm out. Amy was efficient and out the door in no time."You should go home and get some sleep," Beckett said to Castle when she saw him yawn for the third time.

"No, no I'm fine. I'm just going to go get some coffee."

"Really, you should go. I'm sorry I woke you up last night."

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad they called me."

"I'm glad you came too, but I'm fine now. You need to get some rest."

"Beckett, I'm not leaving," Castle said sternly. She just looked at him. She knew he was going to put up a fight about it, but she didn't think he would flat out refuse."Look, I know that you have it a whole hell of a lot worse, but that doesn't mean that this has been easy on me. I watched you die, Kate. I felt you go limp in my arms. I felt your blood between your fingers. There was so much blood..." he trailed off shaking his head.

"Castle," she whispered.

"I need to stay for me, ok? I need to see with my own eyes that you're alive. Last night, I think it took me 3 hours to fall asleep at home, but when I sat in this stupid, uncomfortable chair at your bedside I was out right away. I just need to stay, please?"

"Yeah... ok."

They stopped and looked at each other. Kate swore he was looking right into her soul. She looked in his eyes and was just lost. Nothing else existed. The moment ended when her phone started buzzing on the table.

She reluctantly looked away and grabbed it. "Lanie," she explained. "Beckett"... "I'm good."... "Yeah, that'd be great, but take Esposito with you." ..."Um, whatever you think."... "Yeah, and just grab my iPad and a couple books." ..."Just pick some" ..."Ok, great. Thanks, Lanie."

"Her and Esposito are going to go to my place and pick some stuff up," Kate explained after hanging up.

"I should have thought of that. Sorry."

"No big deal, though you should have realized considering I've been using your phone charger."

"We have like 12 Apple chargers at home. I never missed it," Castle explained.

"You would have that many," she laughed.

"They're not all mine! And you probably have like 3 at least yourself."

"Good Morning," Dr. Kovacs greeted from the door.

"Good Morning," Beckett greeted.

"I need to check your incision. Then we can talk about plans for today."

Kate made a face as the doctor walked over to the sink to wash his hands. Castle looked at her sympathetically and gave her a hand a squeeze.

" Go get your coffee, so you can come back and mock me with it," Beckett joked.

"Sorry, Detective. You know I love bringing you coffee."

"Can I have decaf?" She asked as Dr. Kovacs came back over.

"Not yet, but soon. A lot of decafs still have a little bit of caffeine in them."

"Excellent," she replied sarcastically.

"Anything I can get you?" Castle asked.

"Bear claw? If you can find one. I guess I should take advantage of the new solid food diet."

"There's a Starbucks a block away. I'll be back."

"You don't have to," Beckett said quickly.

"The walk will do me good," Castle replied with a wink and headed out.

* * *

"Let me clear it before you come in," Esposito said as they stood outside Beckett's apartment.

"Ok," Lanie huffed. Her boyfriend was being a little ridiculous. The building was quiet, and Beckett's door didn't look like it had been tampered with.

"I'm serious."

"I'll stay right here," Lanie said to appease him. She stood outside and looked around waiting for him to return.

"Ok, we're good," Esposito announced.

"I'll just be a few minutes," Lanie said heading towards Beckett's bedroom.

"Take your time." Esposito took a seat on couch and was overwhelmed by the memories of sitting there just a few days ago. Beckett was right. They are a family. He just couldn't accept that Montgomery, the man that had been the leader of that family, was gone. Esposito had always looked up to Roy. He had had his fair share of superiors in his life, but even in the military, he never saw a commander the same way he saw Montgomery. He really was like a father. If Montgomery hadn't told Beckett himself that he was involved, Esposito probably wouldn't have believed it. Just because he knew Raglan and McAllister didn't necessarily mean he was guilty. There was no denying it now. Esposito couldn't ignore the evidence.

"I'm ready," Lanie interrupted.

They locked up and headed out to the car. "She's really going to be ok, right?" Esposito asked as he drove.

"Yeah. It's going to be a rough road, but she's going to be fine," Lanie answered. Esposito just nodded and kept his eyes on the road."You know you can talk to me?" Lanie asked as she reached out and put her hand on his thigh.

"Yeah, I know... I just need to catch this son of a bitch."

"Beckett knows you guys are doing everything possible."

"Maybe we'll find something today."

"Good luck and be careful. I'll talk to you later," Lanie said leaning over to kiss him when he pulled up to the hospital.

* * *

"You still ok for my mother and Alexis to come by?"Castle asked that afternoon when him, Lanie, and Jim were sitting in Beckett's room.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Ok, they'll be here soon. Alexis just got out of school."

"Speaking of, how much time did you guys take off work?" Beckett asked.

"I just said I'll be back when I can," Jim answered.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means I'm a senior partner and can do whatever I want," Jim smiled.

"Lanie?"

"I'm supposed to go back Monday. I figure I'll go back for a week or so and take more when you first go home," she answered.

"You don't have to use all your days on me."

"Number one: I don't mind. I want to be here. Number two: I never take time off, so I have a ton of days banked. Don't worry about it."

Beckett wasn't excited about everyone taking time out of their lives for her, but she really was happy that they were around. Even though the constant company was kind of taxing and she was going to need some time to herself eventually. Plus, if she was going to be able to get out of bed, Beckett didn't want everyone there to watch her struggle.

Martha and Alexis came in and interrupted her chain of thoughts. After everyone greeted each other, Lanie decided to the room may be a little too full, "I'm going to step out and call Esposito. He wants me to check in every couple of hours, so he knows everything is ok."

"Yeah, I'm going to go grab some coffee. I don't want the nurses to get angry cause there is too many people here," Jim announced thinking along the same lines as Lanie/

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize," Alexis said.

"No, no. Don't worry about it." Jim smiled.

"How are you feeling, Darling?" Martha asked.

"Good, I get to get out of bed tomorrow."

"That's definitely an improvement," Martha smiled.

"It will probably hurt like hell, but it's step towards going home."

"How much longer do you have to stay in the hospital?" Alexis asked.

"I don't know. Probably over a week, but I'm breaking out as soon as I can."

"It's only been 2 full days since the surgery, Beckett," Castle laughed.

"That's a long time," she defended.

"I'm not sure if it will help much, but I brought you a bunch of movies, games, and stuff," Alexis said.

"Thanks Alexis. That was really considerate of you. It will definitely help."

"I figured if anything, it will entertain my dad so he doesn't drive you nuts."

"Hey, I've been good."

"He actually has," Beckett laughed.

The group played UNO for awhile until Beckett got tired. She didn't want everyone to leave. She was having fun. It wasn't exactly normal, but it was close. Her father and Lanie had come back. and everyone just goofed around and talked. It was nice. Beckett convinced everyone, but Castle, to go home. She knew since their conversation earlier that he would be staying. She wasn't even surprised when Martha and Alexis brought a small duffle bag of his clothes and his lap top. He was going to be camped out for awhile. Beckett knew that it should bother her, but it was oddly comforting. She didn't want to admit it, but she wanted him by her side.

* * *

"You ok?" Castle asked noticing she was acting strange.

"Yeah," Beckett replied unconvincingly.

"What's wrong?" He asked standing up.

"I feel weird."

"Weird how?"

"I feel like my heart is skipping beats," she admitted after a pause.

"I'm getting your nurse," Castle said quickly.

"I'm here. The monitor shows your having multiple premature ventricular contractions, PVCs. That's what you feel. Dr. Kovacs is on his way," Amy said coming in.

"What's that mean?" Beckett asked. Castle immediately grabbed her hand. He was terrified, but it was his job to keep her calm.

"The bottom half of your heart is contracting too early and too often. Do you feel dizzy or faint?"

"No, but it's starting to hurt," she admitted.

"What happened?" Dr. Kovacs came in with another nurse.

"She's having multiple PVCs," Amy explained. "Heart rate's 120, blood pressure's 110 over 68."

"Start her on Lidocaine and up the Digoxin drip," Dr. Kovacs ordered. He took the stethoscope off his neck and put it up to Beckett's chest. "Take a deep breath."

"I can't," she forced out struggling to breathe at all. Dr. Kovacs grabbed the O2 mask off wall behind her bed and replaced nasal cannula. "Nice, slow breaths. It's ok. You just need to slow down. You're going to hyperventilate."

"Heart rate's up to 165!"

Dr. Kovacs snapped his head towards the monitor. "She's in SVT. Push 10 of Adenosine," he ordered and hit the control on Kate's bed to lay it flat. "I need you wait outside," he turned to Castle.

"No, I'm not leaving!" He protested, but the nurses forced him. "Beckett!"

"I'm going to massage your carotid sinus," Dr. Kovacs said placing his hand on Kate's neck and pushing down in a circular pattern. "It may be uncomfortable, but it should help bring your heart rate down."

She just let out a small whimper. Her heart felt like it was literally going to beat right out of her chest, and she couldn't get a full breath. Beckett didn't care what he did as long as he made the pain stop.

"I'm going to give you some medicine, and it's going to feel really strange, but it's going to help," the nurse on Kate's other side said as she stuck a needle in her IV port. "Adenosine's in"

* * *

Castle was terrified. He was pacing the hallway, and suddenly ripped his phone from his pocket.

"Hello."

"Lanie, you gotta get back here something's wrong!"

"What happened?" She asked panicked.

"I don't know. She said she felt like her heart was skipping beats, and everyone came in. Then they said she was in SVT, whatever the hell that is, and kicked me out. But she couldn't breathe and-"

"Castle, stop! Slow down. I'm coming."

"What's SVT?"

"It's an arrhythmia, supraventricular tachycardia. Did you catch what her heart rate was?"

"The nurse said, um, 160-something, I think."

"That's not too bad. It could get a lot higher. She was conscious?"

"Yeah, but... God, Lanie, she looked terrified."

"It's a scary thing, but I'm sure they are giving her medicine to get her heart rate down. It should work."

"Should? What if it doesn't?" Castle panicked.

"Then they'll have to cardiovert her, but I doubt it will come to that. The medicine should work."

"Wait, what's that? English, Lanie!"

"It means they'll have to use an electric shock to get her heart back in rhythm."

"Like the paddles?" He questioned.

"Yeah, but it's the last resort. I'm sure they are loading her up with all kinds of meds. That will do the job."

"God..."

"I'm almost there. Give me like 10 minutes. Don't call her dad yet. Let's see what we are dealing with, so we know what to tell him."

"Yeah, ok."

"See you in a few."

"Bye."

Castle continued pacing the hallway and tried to choke back his tears. He was not going to cry. She was going to be fine.

"Mr. Castle?" Amy asked from Beckett's door.

"Yes!"

"You can come in."

"She's ok?"

"Yes. Her heart is back in normal rhythm."

Castle practically ran past the nurse and into her room."You ok?" He asked frantically as reached Kate's bed and laid his hand on top of hers.

She just nodded. Castle noticed her breathing was still shallow, but she flipped her hand over under his and linked their fingers.

"Amy is going to take some blood. I think this was caused by the cardiac injury, but we need to be sure you don't have any electrolyte imbalances because that could cause it too," Dr. Kovacs said.

Castle was completely focused on Beckett, "Can she have something more for pain?" He asked noticing the pain written all over her face.

Kate quietly forced out a "Thank You."

"Yeah, not a problem. Just try to relax," Dr. Kovacs answered.

Once Amy was done getting blood from her arm, Beckett reached up and tried to take the oxygen mask off her face.

"Uh oh, leave it," Castle said reaching up to stop her.

"We can switch back to the cannula," Dr. Kovacs offered. He switched the tubes on the wall and helped Beckett situate the cannula under her nose.

"What happened?" Beckett asked.

"As I mentioned before, the damage to your heart makes you very susceptible to arrhythmias. At first, you were having premature ventricular contractions or PVCs. It's one of the most common arrhythmias. PVCs aren't usually a big a problem, but your heart is still weak from the shooting and surgery. That allowed the problem to escalate to SVT or supraventricular tachycardia. So basically, the bottom half of your heart was beating too fast, PVC, and then it switched to the top half going too fast, SVT. It's not very common for people to experience atrial and ventricular arrhythmias so close together, but it does happen. I've seen quite a few people where SVT has been induced by PVCs," Dr. Kovacs explained.

"So what do we now?" Beckett asked. Lanie came barreling in, but upon noticing everything was ok, she took a seat.

"I'm going to adjust your medications, so hopefully this won't happen again, but it is a possibility. I know it may not seem like it, but this wasn't a terrible run of arrhythmias, especially since you went back into rhythm with only one dose of medicine."

"How much of a setback is this?"

"If it doesn't happen again, it's really not. You're back in rhythm now, and everything looks fine. We will see what your blood work looks like, and I want to get an EKG to see in more detail than I could see on the monitor what happened. I don't anticipate any issues though. It would have been harder to get you back in rhythm if there was a major problem. Overall, this is to be expected with your kind of injury."

"Ok thank you."

"Try to get some rest. Something like that can take a lot out of you," Dr. Kovacs said and left.

"Hey Lanie," Beckett greeted.

"How you feeling?"

"Kinda like I got hit by a truck," she admitted.

"Do you want me to see if you can have more pain medicine? Did they lock you out of the pump?" Lanie asked.

"Castle already got me some" Kate answered and squeezed his hand. "I think I just need to sleep"

"Ok, we'll be right here," Lanie smiled.

"Did you call my dad?"

"No, I wanted to see what was going on first. I didn't want him to be terrified like I was," Castle answered.

"Thank you. I'll just talk to him tomorrow. I'm fine now, and I want him to get some rest."

"You get some rest too," Castle said squeezing her hand and leaning over to kiss her cheek. Neither of which were missed by Lanie.

* * *

**A/N: I cannot thank you guys enough for all the reviews, follows, and favorites. You guys are awesome! I have been constantly getting emails about more readers and reviews. It's amazing! I'm glad people are enjoying this story, and I hope you liked this chapter. I actually had a hard time putting Beckett through it, but I have had the arrhythmia scene in my head for a while. I figured I made it as accurate as medical scenes ever are on tv lol. I also really liked Castle and Beckett's talk at the beginning. I would love to hear your thoughts, good, bad, or otherwise. Thanks for reading.**

**On a side note, thank you to everyone that has read my other stories on here as well. I have gotten quite a few reviews, follows, and favorites. I'm glad people are enjoying my other stuff too. Unfortunately, I'm going to be focusing solely on this story for now. I am completely determined to finish it. I don't have time to work on anything else. However, I do have 2 one-shots that are complete lol**

**Meagan**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**


	6. Chapter 6

Thankfully, the night passed smoothly, and everything was looking good. In the morning, Dr. Geller took Beckett's chest tube out.

"Ok, Detective, it looks like we can get you up and out of bed," Amy said cheerfully.

"Now?" Beckett asked.

"If you're ready."

"Yeah, I guess..." She said unsure. "Castle, you're going to have to wait outside."

"Why?" He asked confused. He hadn't left her side for more than 5 minutes in 2 days.

"You don't need to see this."

"See what?"

"Me struggle to even stand up," she admitted quietly.

"Beckett, it's not a big deal. I want to help."

"No, Castle."

"I don't expect you jump up and run a marathon. I know it's going to be difficult. Just let me help."

"No, Rick," Beckett said firmly.

"Ok, ok. I will go down to the cafeteria." He wanted to stay, but he didn't want to upset her. One of the things the doctors and nurses told them was that it was important for her to stay calm. It would help keep her heart rate down.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Castle asked when he came back about an hour later.

"It was fine. Hurt like hell, but it was fine," Beckett answered.

"Good," he said and took his usual seat by her bed.

"I'm sorry I kicked you out. I just couldn't..."

"It's ok. I know you need your space, and I have been around a lot."

"No, I want you here," Kate said quickly. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"Still, I told you I would give you space."

"And you have. You haven't pried or pushed me to talk. It's just... This isn't me. I'm not this pathetic person that needs help to stand up and can't even walk two feet. I shouldn't need someone to sleep in the same room, so I don't have nightmares. This isn't me."

"I know, I know. This is just temporary. You'll be back to kicking ass in no time."

"And what if I'm not?" She asked quietly.

"You will be."

"Come on, Castle. I'm not stupid. People with injuries like this never get back to what they were."

"I know you're not going to give up, and we'll get you the best physical therapists."

"We?" Kate questioned.

"Of course. I'm not going anywhere."

"You've already done so much, paid for so much."

"Hey, don't worry about the money. It's not an issue."

"I can't accept all this," she shook her head.

"Why not? Consider it your cut of Nikki Heat," Castle tried to justify.

"I didn't write the books."

"No, but they won't exist without you."

"Castle."

"Look, I know you hate this, but please just let me help you." He scooted his chair right up to her bed and took her hand.

"I'm not after your money."

"I know. I would never think that."

"I'm not used to having anyone take care of me," she whispered.

"I know, but I want to be that person, Kate. I don't expect you to let me pamper you. Which I am completely willing to do, by the way. I just want you to get better and in the quickest and least painful way possible."

"I don't deserve you."

"No, I don't deserve you. I know you've been feeling weak and helpless, but it's the exact opposite. It's only been a few days and look how far you've come. There's no way I would be able to handle it. I would be begging them for drugs, yet you refuse them. I barely ever see you hit the button on the pain pump. You're so strong, Kate," he explained.

"It really doesn't feel like it."

"Sometimes, it takes more strength to ask for help than it does to go it alone. I promise I'm never going to hold anything against you. I want you to ask when you need help."

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask," Castle smiled. "I do have a question for you though."

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me when you're recovering?"

"Castle... I don't know."

"You don't have to decide now. Just think about it. I already talked to my mother and Alexis about it so don't worry about them. We all want you with us."

"I'll think about it," Kate answered. Honestly, she wanted to stay at the loft. She wanted to be with Castle. She could trust him. Plus, it would probably be the easiest place to recuperate. Castle wouldn't have to take off work like her dad or Lanie to be with her. It made sense. However, it was probably too much too fast. Beckett loved Castle, but she was scared she would ruin everything if she let herself jump into things right now.

"I think it might be nap time," Castle said as she yawned.

"All I do is sleep," Beckett complained.

"That's what you're supposed to do."

"I'm bored."

"We'll watch a movie or something when you wake up."

"Fun," she responded with an eye roll.

"Maybe if you're nice I'll give you the first few chapters of _Heat Rises_."

"Really?" Beckett perked up.

"It's not done yet, but you can have the beginning."

"I don't want to start and then have to wait for the rest."

"It should be done before you get too far."

"I thought you didn't finish till into the summer last year?"

"Yeah, well I'm actually on schedule with this one. I want to get it finished and into final edits," Castle explained.

"Have to get all those typos fixed."

"Hey, I don't have typos."

"You called Lauren 'Laura' once in Heat Wave," Beckett smirked.

"I did not."

"Yes, you did."

"No, you have to show me." Castle defended.

"Remind me."

"I will. Now go to sleep."

* * *

"Hey," Beckett said when she woke up hours later to find Lanie investigating her IVs.

"How are you?" Lanie asked.

"I'm fine. What are you doing?"

"Nothing just checking out some stuff."

"Ohhkay," Beckett looked at her.

"It's all good. I was just curious. The nurses wouldn't give me your chart."

"Do you want it? I can give them permission or whatever I need to do."

"No, it's not a big deal."

"Ok."

"There is something I want information on though."

"Just go get Amy. I'll tell her to let you read it."

"What I want to know isn't in you chart," Lanie smirked and took a seat.

"I don't understand."

"What's going on with you and Castle?"

"I'm not really sure."

"You're not sure?"

"We're..." Beckett trailed off.

"You're?"

"I guess we're together, but we're not."

"You know that doesn't make sense."

"I can't handle a relationship right now. I'll just mess it up."

"So you're together, but you're pretending you're not so you don't mess it up?"

"Lanie," Kate huffed.

"You don't have to call it a 'relationship' for it to be one."

"It's not."

"Why are you fighting this?"

"I'm not."

"Kate."

"Where is Castle anyway? He was here when I fell asleep," Beckett asked changing the subject slightly.

"He went to have dinner with Alexis when I got here. He'll be back,"

"Ok, good."

"I think Ryan and Esposito were going to try to come by too."

"How're things going with you and Espo?"

"I see you trying to turn the tables, Kate Beckett."

"Humor me."

"Things are... good. It's been kinda rocky since everything happened. He's not a big talker."

"I can relate."

"He's been working almost constantly, but every night he comes to my place as soon as he's done," Lanie explained.

"Sounds like he's trying."

"He really is."

"That's probably him. He's really been stressing that we check in," Lanie said picking up her phone. "Nope, it's your boy." She swiped open the text message. "He says he and Alexis are on their way, wants to know if we need anything."

"He could have texted me."

"Probably didn't want to wake you up."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," Beckett sighed.

"Do you want him to bring you anything?"

"No, I'm good."

"Ok."

"How many people are coming tonight?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I didn't know he was bringing Alexis back with him. Ryan and Esposito are supposed to drop by, but I don't know how late they will be at the precinct."

"I'm glad my dad's office called this morning. I know he didn't want to go in, but I think he could use the distraction."

"I just laughed because yesterday he was so sure he only had to go to work if he wanted to."

"He's always been good about that. When I was growing up, he hardly ever missed things."

"You probably had to fight him to get him to leave today," Lanie said with a smile.

"Yeah, but I'm in more than capable hands, and he really could some normal. We all could."

"Hey Ladies," Castle greeted from the door.

"How are you feeling, Detective Beckett?" Alexis asked as they came in.

"Please Alexis, it's Kate."

"Ok, uh, how are you feeling, Kate?" Alexis asked again.

"Pretty good. They switched some of my meds around so I practically just slept all day, but I think they are doing their job."

"Good, I'm glad."

"How's school going?" Beckett asked.

"Not too bad. Finals and AP tests start next week," Alexis grimaced.

"Doesn't sound like fun. I hope I'm not keeping you from studying."

"No way. If I looked at another physics equation today, I was going to start demonstrating projectile motion with my text books."

"Oh, I could help with that," Castle jumped in.

"It's actually helping me get work done that he's not home," Alexis smiled.

"I hated physics in college," Lanie added.

"Thus confirming why I was an English major," Castle said.

"Hopefully, I will score high enough on the AP test that I won't have to take it in college," Alexis explained.

"What are you looking at majoring in?" Beckett asked.

"I don't know yet, but I'm trying to test out of as many classes as I can."

"After all the medical questions you had for me the other day, I could definitely see you majoring in a science," Lanie said.

"Maybe, I still have a year to decide."

"If you ever want to job shadow or anything just let me know. I can set you up with some other doctors too," Lanie offered.

"Thanks, Dr. Parish."

"Castle, how did you manage to raise such a polite kid? It's Lanie, Sweetie."

"I have no idea. She definitely didn't get it from me."

"We knew that, Castle," Beckett laughed.

"Hey," he defended.

"I'll be nice," Kate smiled.

"Yeah you should be," he mumbled.

"Stop whining, Dad."

"Ok, I'll just make them pay for it by whooping them at poker," Castle announced and pulled a deck of cards from the bag of games on the floor.

"Bring it on, Writer Man," Kate smirked.

They played for over an hour, laughing and joking around. Turns out Castle's cards couldn't quite keep up with his mouth which only made it more fun. Esposito called about half way through and said they were going to be stuck at work.

"Looks like we should call it a night," Lanie said after she noticed Beckett fading.

"No, I'm fine," she defended.

"It's already almost 8:30," Castle added.

"Right, I forgot I'm an old woman that goes to bed at 9," Beckett rolled her eyes.

"Your body is doing some serious healing, " Lanie said gently.

"Fine, I am kinda tired."

"I'll just run Alexis home, and I'll be back," Castle told Beckett.

"You don't have to," she answered.

"I really don't mind. I was planning on it."

"I can drop Alexis off on my way home, so you can just stay," Lanie offered.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's no big deal."

"You ok with that?" Castle turned to Alexis.

"Yeah, I'm good," she answered with a smile.

"Call me when you're home. There'll be guys outside our building if you need anything. You can have one of them walk you up. You too, Lanie," Castle explained.

"Got it."

"Love you, Pumpkin," Castle gave his a daughter a hug.

"Love you too, Dad."

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was supposed to be out a few days ago, but it refused to cooperate. I think it turned out pretty well though. Thank you to everyone for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. I'm glad people are enjoying this story. Let me know what you thought of this one. Good, bad, or otherwise, I love to hear people's thoughts. I'm looking at Monday/Tuesday for the next chapter.**

**Thanks for reading, **

**Meagan**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**


	7. Chapter 7

The evening passed quietly as Beckett fell asleep pretty much as soon as she closed eyes. Castle got comfortable in the chair next to her bed and pulled out his laptop. He didn't get much work done as he found himself getting tired really quickly. He knew he was going to have to get some real sleep sometime soon. Maybe he would head home tonight. It was a minor miracle Beckett had been letting stay over night the past two and a half nights. He had barely left her side since her nightmare. It had been 5 days since the day she was shot. Castle couldn't decide if that time had passed quickly or slowly. Most of it was a blur, but it was almost as if time had stopped since the shooting. He always found himself holding his breath and waiting, but some moments had flown by in a fit of intensity and emotion.

"Good morning," Beckett said quietly breaking him from his thoughts.

"Hey, how you feeling?"

"Not too bad."

"You want me to get Amy?" He figured she probably needed to get to the bathroom and didn't want her to have to ask.

"No, I'm ok. If I hit the pain pump now, I can wait the few minutes for it to kick in before I have to get up."

"Makes sense."

"Just give me a couple more days, and I'll let you help me hobble to the bathroom."

"It's ok. I really shouldn't have pressured you yesterday."

"No, you didn't. Besides you should learn how to help me if I'm going to be staying with you," Beckett smiled.

"Really?"

"Yeah, if you're sure it's not a problem?" She asked shyly.

"No, not at all," He answered.

"Ok."

"Ok," Castle smiled. He was going to say more but his phone started ringing.

"Go answer it. I'm going to call for Amy," Kate said hitting the button on the side of her bed.

He stepped out into the hallway and picked up his phone,"Castle."

"Hey, how's Beckett?" Esposito asked. His voice was tight and stressed.

"She's good. What's wrong?"

"There was a break-in at her apartment. The place is trashed," he explained.

"Damn it," Castle muttered.

"It looks like it happened during the night. One of her neighbors called it in this morning when he noticed her door busted in. We talked to him and all her other neighbors, but no one saw anything."

"So no one was hurt?"

"No, it doesn't look like it."

"At least there's that. How bad is the damage?" Castle asked.

"Pretty bad. We're not sure what all was stolen, but her computer is gone, and her is desk is completely empty."

"Ok, um, on the window in her office, she set up a murder board for her mother's case. There was a bunch of pictures and note cards with information. Did they take it?"

"Yeah, there was nothing like that. I would have noticed it. But let me go back in there," Esposito said as he walked back into Beckett's office. "The window is empty, but... there's tape on the shudders. This is where it was."

"So they were looking to see how much she knew and to take all of her resources?"

"Looks like, but they were thorough. If she was hiding anything, they probably found it."

"So what do we do?" Castle asked.

"One of us needs to let her know, and she needs to make a list of anything that she thinks they would take: anything about the case, weapons, and valuables. The gun safe in her closet was opened, but there is a piece still in it. My guess is they didn't want a gun that they knew ballistics would be traceable."

"I'll talk to her."

"Let her know that CSU is checking the whole place for prints and any evidence."

"Ok, thanks Esposito. I'll call you back," Castle said hanging up. He took a deep breath and tried to school his features.

"What's wrong?" Beckett asked as soon as he walked in. So much for trying to play it cool.

"I just got off the phone with Esposito... Someone broke into your apartment," he explained.

"How bad?"

"Bad. He said it was torn apart pretty good. They took your computer, emptied out your desk, and took your window murder board. He didn't know what else."

"Was anyone hurt?"

"No." Castle answered.

"They want to know how much I know."

"Looks like," he confirmed.

"They already shot me, they can't leave me alone?" Kate nearly whispered as tears filled her eyes. Castle could see her crumbling.

"I'm so sorry," Castle said as he sat down at her hip and gently put an arm around her.

"Any chance they found some evidence?" She asked and leaned into him.

"CSU is still processing everything."

"Ok," she said quietly. Kate turned slightly and curled into his side. He moved a bit closer to her, and she put her head on his shoulder as he held her. Castle was worried she was in pain in this position, but he knew she had just had a dose of medicine, and she didn't seem to be uncomfortable. He gently rubbed his hand up and down her arm as she cried. Kate hated letting him see her like this, but at the moment, she really didn't have a choice. She needed him. After about ten minutes, she shifted and tried to sit up. Castle guided her back against the pillows and held up her water cup for her.

"I'm fine," she said taking the cup from him and taking a drink before putting it down.

"You don't have to be. It's ok to not be ok," he said gently and took her hand.

"I'm fine," she repeated. Beckett needed him to stop looking at her like that or she was never going to pull it together. "You need to up the security at your place. They know we work together," she added after a moment.

"I will. Try not to worry."

"How can I not?"

"I don't know," Castle shook his head.

"I need to see how bad it is. Can you ask Esposito to send pictures?" She asked as she continued to settle down.

"Yeah, but are you sure you want to see? We can clean it all up for you. He said that he just needs you to make a list of things that you think would have been taken so they can figure out what all was stolen. We can take care of everything else if you want."

"No, it's my apartment," Kate answered firmly.

"Ok, well let's make that list and we'll go from there," Castle said picking up his phone and pulling up a new email to Esposito.

"Um, it seems like they pretty much wiped out my office, and that's where most of my information was. There was a box of my mom's papers and her appointment book in my closet. It wasn't really hidden just stuck in a place I wouldn't have to see it often. I'm sure they took it, but my dad would recognize it. He should go over there and look around. He would notice if anything I had of mom's was missing."

"What about weapons? Esposito said the gun safe in your closet was opened, but there was still a gun in it."

"Yeah, my back up. My usual piece should be in the keepsake box on my dresser. It has a picture of my parents on the lid. My gun is in the drawer. I didn't take it to the funeral."

"Any others?" He asked as he typed out the information she said.

"No, I just keep those two at home. Actually, Esposito should take them. They shouldn't be sitting in my empty place with all of this going on."

"Ok. We'll tell him. Valuables?" Castle asked.

"I don't think they were looking for money or valuables."

"Still."

"I don't know, Castle. I can't think of anything they would want," she answered frustrated. "I don't keep much cash at home, but I didn't take a purse to the funeral, so all my credit cards and stuff should have been there. I had my debit card and driver's license on me. My dad has them."

"Ok. He has your badge too, right?"

"Yeah."

"Jewelry?" Castle asked.

"My dad should be able to look through it. The really nice things were my mom's so he would know."

"Ok, um, electronics?"

"I'm not you, Castle, I don't have a bunch of toys, and besides, they didn't want that stuff anyway."

"You know there has to be a full police report for the break in," he said gently.

"Yeah...Ok."

"So we know they have your computer, but what about... tv? Wait, I feel like I've never seen a tv at your place?"

"Nope. I don't watch much, so I just use Hulu. I'm never home to watch anything when it airs anyway."

"E-Reader? Kindle? iPad?"

"iPad. Actually, they probably would have taken that. It was linked up to the same cloud drive as my computer."

"Find My Mac!" Castle nearly yelled.

"What?"

"Do you have Find My Mac set up?" He asked.

"Yes! Gimme your laptop. I can log into iCloud and pull up the GPS," she answered excitedly.

"It might not work. They probably disabled it," Castle said as he grabbed his laptop and turned it on.

"I can try." Beckett quickly pulled the website up and typed in her information."Damn."

"What?" Castle asked sitting back by her side and looking at the screen.

"It says my computer and iPad are both still at my apartment," Beckett explained and pointed to the icons on the map.

"Maybe they just haven't turned them on or connected them to the internet yet. One of them might put off a new signal once it goes back on line," Castle said hopefully.

"I can remotely delete everything saved on them, so they won't get anything."

"Maybe we should wait a bit. If they don't know we're tracking it, we may have a better shot. They will probably pull your hard drive instead of actually using the computer, but we might get lucky with your iPad, as soon as it connects to Wi-Fi, we'll get a location."

"Yeah, Ok. I guess we will just keep watching it," Beckett agreed.

"I'm going to call Esposito. You want to call your dad?"

"Talk to Espo first. I want to send someone to pick my dad up and make sure Ryan or Esposito stay with him at my apartment."

"Right, good idea."

Castle called and relayed all the information to Esposito.

"What's your Apple lD?" Castle asked looking to Beckett.

"What?" She asked confused. She had zoned out a little as Castle repeated everything over the phone.

"Esposito is going to have Ryan head back to the precinct and see if tech can find anything. They need a way to identify your computer and iPad so they can try to track them," Castle explained.

" " she answered.

"Creative," he smiled.

"Shut up. It's professional."

"It's not your work email," he prodded.

"Castle. Focus," Esposito snapped over the phone.

"Right, sorry Espo. Her account name is . We'll keep watching it here too."

"Ok, great. Did you guys make up a list?"

"Yes. I will email it to you as soon as we hang up. Can you send someone to go pick up Jim at work? Beckett said he should be able to take a look around to see if anything she had of her mother's is missing."

"Sure, no problem."

"And you'll stay with him?" Castle asked.

"Of course," Esposito confirmed.

"Great. I'll let you know if the GPS changes."

After he hung up, Castle and Beckett continued to watch his computer screen hoping for it to change. They sat next to each other in perfect silence just staring at the screen.

"Sorry to interrupt. You two look very focused. I just need to check your vitals," Amy said entering the room.

"No, it's fine. Actually, Beckett give me that. You should not be working," Castle said as he stood up and reached for his laptop.

"I'm fine, Castle," she answered sharply.

"You said you were going to let other people handle this. You did the necessary part. Let me watch the screen."

"I need to do something, Castle!" Beckett snapped.

"Ok, ok. Let Amy check you out, and we'll watch together," he relented.

Amy worked quickly. She took Kate's blood pressure and temperature and marked them down in her chart along with her heart rate and oxygen level from the monitor.

"Everything looks good. Just a reminder though, you do need to try and keep your heart rate down. I know it's difficult, but it is important to do your best to keep your stress down," Amy told her kindly.

"Yeah, ok. I will," Beckett nodded.

"Let me know if you need anything," Amy smiled as she left.

"Thank you," Beckett answered. She collected her thoughts for a moment before looking over at Castle."I hate that I'm stuck here, and everyone else is doing all the work."

"Everybody wants to help," he replied.

"I know but..."

"This is your case and your life," Castle finished for her.

"Yeah," Beckett answered quietly.

Castle sat back down next to her hip and set his computer on his lap. She grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. With their joined hands resting on the edge of the laptop, they watched the screen praying it would change.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the delay. If anyone is unfamiliar, Find My Mac is a service from Apple that let's you GPS track your computer or device on their website. I'm a PC person, but I have an iPad. It's a really cool system. Any way, Let me know what you thought of this one. Thanks so much for reading and for all your reviews, follows, and favorites.**

**Thanks,**

**Meagan**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle**


	8. Chapter 8

"She asleep?" Lanie asked as she walked in.

"Yeah. We watched the GPS for a while, but nothing was changing so it wasn't exactly entertaining. She dozed off," Castle answered.

"How'd she handle the news?"

"She's upset but took it well."

"Good. I'm going to hang out for a while if you want to go home or get some food or something," Lanie offered.

"Is everybody still at her apartment? I would like to see the damage for myself."

"I think so, but call Esposito."

"Ok. Can you tell Beckett I'll be back tonight?" Castle asked standing up.

"No problem."

"Castle," Lanie called out.

"Yeah?"

"You're a good man."

"Thank you," he smiled before he turned to leave.

* * *

"You were not exaggerating," Castle sighed as he walked in Beckett's apartment.

"Yeah, I know," Esposito responded. The place was completely trashed. All of her tables were overturned and her pictures were thrown from the walls. Her couch was sliced on every cushion, and there was stuffing all over it.

"I'm not sure we should actually give her pictures."

"Might not be the best idea, but you know Beckett. She is going to want to see," Esposito said.

"Yeah, you're right," Castle agreed as he continued to look around and take in the damage. "Did you guys find anything else that was stolen?"

"No, but CSU recovered a hair we are hoping to get DNA from, and Ryan is still working with tech to track her computer and iPad."

"You're sure the hair is from the intruder?"

"Hopefully. It's not Beckett's, and they found it on the floor under her desk back by where all the cords for the computer plugged in."

"How long till we get results?" Castle asked.

"Probably tomorrow"

"Ok, ok. I'm going to take some pictures for her and get back to the hospital."

"Try to not to get the worst parts. She doesn't need to see the couch or her mattress," Esposito suggested.

"He hit her mattress too?"

"Yeah. Whoever did this was here for a while or it was more than one person. They did a good job."

"Alright."

"CSU is packing up. Jim and I are going to hang around and try to clean up some stuff."

"I can stay too," Castle offered.

"You need to be with Beckett. We got it."

"Lanie's there. She'll be ok."

"What? She sick of you?" Esposito laughed.

"Probably soon," Castle smiled.

OKOKOKOKOKOKOKO

"Hey, you're back" Beckett looked up from her book as Castle walked in. He looked completely defeated and like he might cry."What's wrong?"

He just shook his head as he continued to approach her bed.

"Castle?" Beckett questioned.

"I'm so glad you're ok," he said quietly and gently placed his hand on her cheek.

"Rick," she said softly and brought her hand up to cover his.

After a moment he spoke, "I hadn't thought about it, but we're lucky they shot you when they did. In front of everyone, I mean. We could help you. If you had been home alone last night... if they had shot you then."

"I would have had my gun. I could have defended myself."

"Kate, your place is..." he shook his head. "It's completely trashed. Whoever did this... I know you're strong and you're tough as hell, but..."

They locked eyes and the intensity of his gaze almost scared Kate. She couldn't take it for long and looked down. He took his hand back and sat down at the edge of her bed.

"Did CSU find anything?" She asked after a moment. She hoped if she switched him to business he would lose that look on his face.

"Yeah, um no prints, but there was a hair on your floor under your desk. It's too short and dark colored to be yours. They are running DNA now," he responded barely audibly without looking up.

"Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm ok. I'm here." She folded her hand around his.

"I know," he looked up with a small, obviously fake, smile.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I do, but you need to rest."

"No, Castle, that's not how this works. You don't get to take care of me and not let me take care of you."

"I'm fine," he answered quickly.

"Just know that you can come to me when you're ready."

"I know."

"And it's ok to not be ok," she said repeating his earlier words.

"I know that too," he smiled.

"Scooch over a bit," Beckett said plucking the sleeve of Castle's shirt yanking him towards her. He did as he was told, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Everything's going to be ok," she said softly.

"Thank you."

"Always."

They stayed that way for almost a half an hour, just resting together. They were interrupted by Beckett's phone.

"I'll grab it," Castle said reaching over. "Oh, um, it's Josh," he said awkwardly.

"You know I broke up with him, right? We're not together."

"Yeah," he said flatly.

"Rick."

"No, No, it's fine. Pick it up. I'll be back," he said with a smile.

Castle wasn't worried about Josh. He wasn't. Castle knew that Beckett loved him, not Josh. She wasn't going to get back together with him, but it still hurt a little. The past week had been absolutely insane, Castle wasn't exactly sure where him and Beckett stood. She loved him, he knew that. He wasn't going to let himself doubt that. They would get there. He knew she just needed sometime to work through everything. He kind of did too, if he was being honest. Everything was going to be fine. They loved each other. She broke up with Josh after they went to LA together. After they almost kissed on that couch. Everything is fine. He is dumb to be worried at all. Castle knew he needed to take his mind off all this before he could work himself up too much. He went down to the cafeteria to get a coffee and call Alexis. She would cheer him up.

* * *

"Hey," Beckett greeted when she looked up and saw Castle standing in her doorway.

"Hey," he responded without moving.

"You gonna come in?"

"Yeah, yeah," Castle said softly as he came in and took a seat in the chair next to her bed.

"He saw the shooting in the paper," Kate explained answering his unspoken question.

"There was a big article. Couple of pictures," Castle nodded.

"You didn't think I would have liked to have known about that?"

"It didn't say anything bad or anything we thought could be dangerous. It didn't paint a fantastic picture of the NYPD's ability to catch a shooter, but the part about you and Montgomery was kind of nice," he defended.

"Ok... Wait has there been Nikki Heat crap? I'm too isolated in here," Beckett asked as the idea suddenly came to her.

"No. Definitely not. I've had Paula all over it."

"Thanks"

Castle just gave her a small smile.

"Josh just wanted to see if I was ok," she explained.

"Yeah. Makes sense."

"He wanted to know if I needed anything."

"Nice of him."

"He may not be the guy for me, but he's a good doctor. I would ask his advice if I needed a second opinion on something. He _is_ a cardiac surgeon."

"If he's in the country," he scoffed.

"Castle," Beckett sighed.

"Sorry, I just never really liked that guy."

"You didn't like Tom Demming either," Beckett smiled.

"He was ok."

"Schlemming? Come on. "

"Yeah well..."

"Castle, I broke up with them, both of them. For the same reason actually,"

"Really?"

"You," she said firmly.

"What?"

"They weren't you. "

"Kate," he whispered looking up at her.

"I almost cheated on Josh when we were in LA. There was no denying it anymore, and it wasn't fair to him. I'm not the kind of girl that cheats. I had to end it."

"I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, no you're not." Beckett laughed

"Thank you... for telling me."

"Thank the meds. Amy was just in here before you came in. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have told you some of that."

"The power of drugs," Castle smiled.

"I just... I want you to know that you don't need to worry about Josh."

"I know," he nodded.

"Are you staying tonight?"

"Do you want me to?"

"I think it's been days since you've been home."

"I'm fine," Castle said quickly.

"I'm going to be out soon. Today was a long day."

"Yeah, you can say that again," Castle said reaching out and squeezing her hand.

"I asked Amy for a stronger pain killer. I'm going to sleep like a rock. It's fine for you to go," she admitted.

"I didn't know you were in pain."

"Not much worse than usual, but I was up out of bed too much and everything else... I'm just tired, and I want to be able to sleep. Even if it is drug induced."

"I just... I don't want you to be alone."

"Castle, you look like hell, and I'm worried. Go get some sleep and take a real shower."

"You're worried about me?" He asked.

"Damn meds! I'm shutting my mouth, and you're going home."

"Only if someone else comes to stay."

"Castle."

"I don't care who. Security is taken care of regardless," he said not backing down.

Beckett just glared, giving him her signature look.

"Do you really want to be alone?" He asked relenting.

"I'm just going to be asleep," Beckett justified.

"I just don't think tonight is the best night to leave you solo."

"I will be fine. I promise I will call you if I need anything."

"Are you sure? I can really stay."

"I'm sure. Go get some sleep."

"I sleep fine here."

"Castle."

"Alright," he relented.

"I love you," she said as she gave his a hand a gentle squeeze. She was clearly starting to fade.

"Love you too, Kate." He leaned down and kissed her forehead before he quietly left.

* * *

**A/N: I apologize for the crazy long wait. School started. I'm trying to keep up. Let me know what you think of this one. Thanks for reading.**

**Meagan**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: Remember this is completely AU after knockout.**

* * *

Castle was extremely nervous as he walked out of the hospital. He had checked with Amy, and she had promised to tell the night staff to call him if anything at all happened, if Beckett said she needed him or not. He also cleared it with security. It was only a little after 7, but he figured she would be asleep all night. She had only slept for a little while this afternoon, and the extra medicine would probably keep her out for hours. Beckett was right. She would be fine. He didn't need to watch her sleep. He wanted to, but he didn't need to. A real night's sleep in an actual bed was probably a better idea than he wanted to admit. Castle was almost home when he phone rang.

"Hey, Esposito," he answered.

"We got a lead."

"Seriously?"

"Lanie pushed the DNA through like crazy when she got back to the lab. She got a tech to start running it right away and do the whole process straight. It only took a few hours," Esposito explained.

"You got a hit?"

"Yeah, thank God. I don't know even want to know what Lanie did to make this happen. She would have been so pissed if it was for nothing. There was a match in the system, but, here's the thing, it doesn't match the DNA found on the gun."

"Well maybe it was a team of guys that broke in," Castle suggested.

"Yeah maybe. The guy's got a heavy background in B&E's. He was a gang-banger till he joined the military."

"Seems kind of odd."

"Yeah, I know. Apparently he tried to clean up his act, hasn't been booked in years."

"You guys going to pick him up?"

"Yeah, but, Castle, you can't come."

"No, I know. Beckett would flip."

"So you're not with her? Not if you're saying stuff like that," Esposito laughed.

"No, she was exhausted so she's asleep. I'm on my way home. I'm trying to convince myself to stay there tonight because she asked me to."

"Security is all set, right?"

"Yes, and I checked with her nurses too. They'll call if anything happens."

"Ok, yeah man, you deserve some time at home. I have to thank you for taking care of her."

"No thanks needed."

"I don't think I'm going to have time, but I can call Lanie and ask her to swing by the hospital," Esposito offered.

"I think Beckett will be fine. I think she needs some time to herself. We have all been pretty in her face lately. With good reason, but still."

"Yeah, you're right, but she's like my sister. I don't want her alone and hurting."

"Me neither, but I checked with her nurse. The meds are going to have her out all night plus she was drained before she got them."

"Yeah, ok," Esposito sighed.

"Tell me about this suspect."

"Can I trust you with a name?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm not going to do anything."

"He's probably not the shooter since the DNA doesn't match. I can't have you ripping this guy's head off until I get information from him."

"Esposito," Castle huffed.

"Sorry, bro. His name is Orlando Costas. He was convicted of a couple domestic B&E's, but he was suspected of about dozen more as a teenager. He joined the military to get away from the life. He's hasn't been arrested since."

"When are you guys picking him up?"

"Soon. ESU is being organized now."

"You'll call me after you talk to him?"

"After we talk to him or after we pick him up?" Esposito questioned.

"After you talk to him. I need to stay away from this. Beckett is trying to, so I should too. You guys better be careful. I can't deal with anyone else getting shot."

"We will. How much are you going to tell her?"

"Nothing tonight. I'm not waking her up. We'll see how it goes and I'll decide tomorrow."

"Ok, I'll talk to you later. I gotta go," Esposito said quickly. Castle could hear a bunch of voices suddenly in the background.

"Alright, good luck."

* * *

"Dad, you're home!" Alexis almost yelled as she jumped off of her chair at the kitchen island.

"Hey, pumpkin. Sorry I haven't been around," Castle said pulling her in for a hug.

"It's ok. We talked about this. I know Beckett needs you right now. I've been super busy with school anyway and you call."

"Thank you. You are allowed to be upset though. I know this can't be easy."

"No, it's not..."

"Alexis, talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" She asked clearly annoyed.

"What every you want to say." Castle shrugged. He was met with complete silence from his daughter. She wouldn't even make eye contact. "Please," he tried.

"I'm scared," Alexis whispered.

"I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this."

"It's fine... I'm just..." She trailed off, but after a second she let her thoughts out, "I hate that everyone is in danger. I hate that I have to have a body guard follow me to school. I hate that you could get hurt. I hate that you could be killed. I hate that Beckett almost was killed. I hate that I'm mad at her. I don't want to be mad at her. She didn't do anything, but she did! She brought you into all this. I hate that nothing makes sense."

"Oh, Honey." Castle wrapped her up in his arms and held her close. She sobbed on his chest in a way she hadn't done since she was small enough that he had hold in his arms for her to even reach his chest. When had she gotten so tall?

"I'm sorry," she sniffled.

"No, no don't apologize. You have every right to feel this way. If anything it's my fault for not being here to help you. This isn't a conversation we could have had on the phone. I'm the one that's sorry."

"Beckett needs you. I can handle myself for a few days without you."

"I know you can. I don't doubt that, but this is a special circumstance. I didn't just go for a book tour for a few days or something," Castle said and Alexis over to the couch so they could sit.

"Still.."

"You know, you and Beckett are a lot alike. You're both so strong and independent, but everyone needs help once and a while."

"I just want things to be back to normal," Alexis said quietly.

"Just give us a little more time. If I'm being honest, things might get worse before they get better, but they will get better."

"What do you mean get worse?" She panicked.

"Well Beckett has a lot of recovering to do. Even though she is doing well and getting stronger, it's not going to be easy..."

Alexis nodded in understanding, but she could sense he had more to say.

"Ryan and Esposito got a lead today on the man that broke into her apartment. I'm happy about it, but I'm a little nervous too."

"You think someone is going to get hurt?"

"I don't know, honey. I just hope the arrest goes smoothly," Castle said.

"You've always told me how good your team at the 12th is. They can do it."

"I don't doubt that Ryan and Esposito are good at their job, but the man behind all this is very powerful."

"And the guys are a member down without Beckett," Alexis agreed.

"Yeah, but they are taking a full swat team. It should be fine."

"But you still worry?"

"Yeah, I do. And I know this has to be harder on you because you don't know what's going on most of the time," Castle offered.

"I don't really like when you go with them on big cases... or any cases. It's dangerous."

"Beckett and the guys always look out for me. This case is special. It's different."

"I don't really understand why. Was Beckett's mother killed by like a super villain or something?" Alexis asked. The tension in the room was becoming too much for her. She had to break it.

"It kinda seems like it," he smiled.

"You're not going to arrest the thief with them, are you?"

"No. Beckett would kill me. We are both staying away from the case, and Ryan and Esposito are supposed to extra careful."

"Good, I agree with her."

"It's ok to be a little angry with her," Castle offered.

"I can't be mad at her for getting shot."

"You're not. You're angry that you have to worry about things you've never had to before. You're mad that something bad happened and that something else could happen."

"I'm being selfish," Alexis said quickly.

"No, you're not. You realize you are being unfair, and you are trying to work through it. That's very mature. You're not being mean or rude to her."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Just give it time, sweetheart. I'm here to talk anytime you want. No matter what. I don't want you worry about what I will think or if I will pick her side. I'm always on your side, remember that. We are all going to get through this."

"Thanks, Dad," she said softly. and he pulled her in for a long hug.

"I think it will be easier once she is out of the hospital," Alexis offered as they separated.

"I agree. You're still ok with her staying here? I don't want you to feel pressured."

"Yeah, I'm fine with it. I want to help. I really do like her."

"I know. I just wanted to make sure."

"I actually think it's a really good idea. There is enough space and people here to help her, it is probably the best place."

"Thank you, Sweetheart."

Alexis nodded, "Have you eaten? We should make food."

"No, I haven't. I think food is an excellent idea."

* * *

**A/N: So that was kind of just a filler chapter, but I think it was important info. I never thought I would write a Beckett-free chapter, but she'll be back in the next one. I would like to thank everyone for reading. This story passed 200 followers, and I am absolutely blown away. I'm going to try to respond to some of the reviews from last chapter soon too. Thank You guys so much. Let me know what you think of this one. Reviews make my day. To everyone that commented about wanting a Caskett kiss, it's coming soon :) And someone asked about Mr. Smith a couple chapters back. I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing with him yet, but he doesn't call Castle till after Beckett is back at work so I'm not bringing him in anytime soonish.**

**Meagan**


	10. Chapter 10

Castle was rather proud of himself for staying at home last night. He fought the urge to run back to her for hours, but eventually fell asleep. He even managed to stay home late enough to make Alexis breakfast and see her off to school. It was about 8:30 when he got to the hospital.

"Good Morning, Detective," He greeted.

"Hey Castle"

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better," she answered. Beckett hadn't let on how tired and drained she really was the night before.

"Good," he said with a smile and took his seat by her bed.

"Yeah, 14 hours of sleep should do something for me."

"Hey, don't think about it like that. Healing takes a lot of energy."

"I know," she admitted. "But, I forgot to ask you, did you take pictures of my apartment?"

"Can I show you later?"

"Why?"

"Beckett," he sighed.

"Can we just get it over with?"

"Yeah, I guess." Castle took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Take it. I'm done," she said after only seeing 3 of the pictures. It was too much.

"Ok," he replied sadly and put the phone back in his pocket.

"Can you do me a favor?" Beckett asked after a moment.

"Yeah, of course."

"Help me shuffle to the bathroom?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I was a lot more stable on my feet yesterday than the day before. The first day was terrible."

"Ok, should I get Amy too?"

"No, she said as long as I had someone to help I was fine. I just need help walking to and from bed. I can handle it after that."

"Ok," he said nervously.

"So I'm going to scoot to the side, and then I need you to help me stand. Up and Down is the worst."

"Got it."

She pulled the blankets down and scooted to the edge of the bed. She was struggling, but Castle knew she had to do this on her terms. She made it to the seated position and dropped her feet to the floor. It was becoming increasingly hard for Castle to watch though because it was obvious that it was painful for her. She sat with her head slung down, but he could tell her eyes were tightly squeezed shut, and she was breathing heavy.

"Kate?" he questioned after a moment.

"Gimme a second." She took a deep breath. "Probably shouldn't have done this with you the first time I got up today. I'm stiff."

"Not a big deal. Take your time."

"I'm ok."

"I know you are," he said gently and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Ok, let's get this over with," she responded lifting her head.

"Where do you want me?"

"Just stand right in front of me and put your hands out. I'm going to push off the bed with one hand and kind of pull up using your arm with the other. Just... um, be ready."

"I got you, don't worry."

"I almost fell the first time," she admitted timidly.

"You didn't tell me that."

"Yeah, well I didn't really want you to know."

"What happened?" Castle asked.

"Nothing really. It just hurt a lot more than I expected. There was like 3 people in here to help. I was fine. I didn't actually fall."

"Ok, Ok. I'm right here. I'll make sure you don't," he said with a feigned confidence. Inside Castle was terrified. He knew he could catch her. She weighs practically nothing. That wouldn't be a problem, but he didn't want to hurt her.

"Ready?" he asked sticking his arms out, palms up, in front of her.

"Yeah"

Beckett did just as she said she would. Her grip was fierce on his arm as she slowly pulled herself up, and he gripped her arm near her elbow in response. Her movements were jagged, and it definitely did not look comfortable. Castle stood solid in front her trying his best to guide her. He took her hand after she pushed off the bed and helped her balance. Beckett was completely silent the whole time. He gave her a moment to just stand before he said anything.

"Ok?" Castle couldn't see her face because her head was down. He had not realized how much shorter she was than him, or maybe she just looked small in this moment.

"Yeah," she let out still not looking up. It was obvious she needed to catch her breath.

Castle tightened his grip on her in hopes of making her feel more secure. She seemed far less stable on her feet than he liked. After a few more long seconds, she still hadn't made any attempt to move or say anything.

"Do you want to sit back down?" Castle asked.

"No!" she said quickly. "Sitting down is almost as awful as standing up. Let's walk."

"Ok, I'll just um... do you want me in front or back?"

She picked her head up then and gave him a cheeky grin.

"Katherine Beckett!" He laughed.

"It was too easy."

"Yeah, yeah. I walked right into it. Now answer my question please."

"Back, kinda to the side. Keep your hands how they are now, one on my elbow and one holding my hand with your arm supporting it underneath. I'm just going to kinda shuffle, but slide me the IV pole. I have to take it with me."

"Ok, take your time," he said handing her the pole. Castle was glad she was down to one pole of medications from the original 3.

They slowly moved over towards the bathroom. The room was pretty small so it wasn't a far walk. Castle did his best to help, but he wasn't really sure what to do.

"Are you sure you'll be ok be yourself?" he asked when they got to the door.

"Yeah, and there is a call button in there."

"But with ... getting up and down. You don't need me to get Amy?"

"I'll be fine, Castle," she bite out.

"Ok, sorry."

"Just wait right there, ok?"

"I won't go anywhere." He gently closed the door behind her.

Beckett stood in the tiny bathroom for a minute before she even attempted to do anything. No way was she going to admit how badly all of that had hurt. It wasn't that bad yesterday. Yes, last night she was really sore, but she still had thought she had made progress. Progress. Damn. Walking was considered progress. She snapped from her thoughts quickly because she knew she had to be fast because Castle would panic if she was in there too long. Beckett had never really envied men before, but she would kill to be able to pee without the hell of sitting down and standing back up. She went about her business as fast as she could which really wasn't fast. When she opened the door, Castle was standing right outside, square in front of the it.

"I was just going to knock," he said quickly slightly embarrassed.

"It's fine," she answered.

He took her arms again and helped her shuffle to bed. They stopped at the side, and she let out a sigh.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I just don't want to sit yet."

"We can stand for a few minutes if you want."

She just nodded and leaned more of her weight on him. He took a half-step so he could be more in front of her and adjusted his grip on her forearms. Her head was bent down again, but she seemed to be breathing normally.

"I wish I could make the pain stop," Castle whispered after a moment.

"You have helped so much," she replied shyly.

"Um, would it hurt you if I hugged you?"

"I don't know, but I think we should try."

"Kate, I don't have to-"

"Shut up, and put your arms around my shoulders," she cut him off.

He did as he told, but he was careful not to let their chests touch. She snaked her arms around him, but she couldn't really hold them up for very long.

"Thank you," Castle said as he pulled back, but he kept his grip on her.

"Why are you thanking me?" she smiled.

Before he could answer, they were interrupted.

"Look who's finally out of bed," Esposito said from the doorway.

"Hey guys," Beckett greeted him and Ryan. "I should sit back down though," she said looking back at Castle.

"Good idea, what do you want me to do?"

"Just make sure I don't end up on my face," she answered quietly.

"That I can do."

He dropped his arms from her shoulders to her elbows and guided her over to the side of the bed. She lowered herself slowly and sat down with her feet still on the ground. Castle wordlessly gave her a few seconds to gather herself, he was about to ask if she was ok when she scooted back and brought her feet back into bed. Beckett gave him a small, grateful smile. He knew the last thing she wanted is him to make a big deal out of anything in front of Ryan and Esposito. She would never want them to see her struggle. Castle was impressed. He knew that maneuvering on her own had to have hurt, but she kept in check well.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked.

"Good. A lot better today."

"Good, good."

"So what's up with you guys?" she asked.

"We have some news for you," Esposito said after a minute.

"Ok."

"We found the man that broke into your place," Esposito uneasily informed her.

"Why do I get the idea there's more to this story?" Beckett asked.

"There is," Ryan added.

"Tell me."

"There's two things. First, the guy is dead," Esposito said.

"And the other?"

"He broke into Montgomery's house last night before he was killed."

"What?" She asked shocked.

"I'll start at the beginning. We were able to get a DNA match from the hair we found at your apartment. Lanie pushed it through late last night. Esposito and I went to go arrest the guy, but his apartment was empty. We put an ABP out and left a unmarked watching his place. We got a call this morning that he was found dead. It was in the 12th's jurisdiction, so Espo and I were called in pretty quickly. Everyone knew who he was. We hadn't been at the scene long, when I got a call from Evelyn Montgomery. Her and the kids had just woken up and gone downstairs to find Roy's office trashed and some broken windows."

"Damn it," Beckett whispered.

"He was found in an alley. We're assuming he went to give whatever he stole to whoever hired him, and the person took the stuff and then shot him."

"No witnesses to the murder?" She questioned.

"No. Lanie is doing the autopsy as we speak. Maybe ballistics will pop."

"What do we know about this guy?"

"Not much. We haven't had time to dig into his life too much yet. He's an ex-gangbanger with a record, but he joined the military and seemingly cleaned up," Esposito explained.

"Financials could help. We'll run them as soon as we get back," Ryan added.

"It's probably a situation just like Officer Riker," Castle spoke up for the first time.

"Let me know what you find." Beckett told Ryan and Esposito.

"You said you didn't want to know details. We just wanted to tell you we found the thief and figured you would want to know about Montgomery's," Esposito said.

"Thanks guys, but I'm feeling a lot better now than I was then. I can handle it." She turned to Castle, "I'm not investigating myself, and I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just want to know what's going on."

Castle just nodded. In all honesty, he was kind of expecting this. He knew her well enough to know she wasn't going to completely back down. He was kind of surprised it took this long after surgery for her to want back in on the case.

"We should head back to the precinct and get to work," Ryan said.

Castle and Beckett thanked them for coming and the guys left.

"Are you mad?" Beckett asked after a moment.

"Mad?"

"I know you and my dad don't want me anywhere near this investigation."

"No, I'm not mad. I wish you would stay completely out of it, but I know you," Castle replied.

" I just don't want to be out of the loop. I need to know what's happening. I promise till I am back at work, I'm not working."

"Good," he nodded.

"It's not like I really could anyway."

"Kate."

"I hate that I can't handle this myself. I trust Ryan and Esposito. I know they are smart and good at their jobs, but this is my case. I should be running it."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but Kate, it's too dangerous. Despite how important it is, it's not nearly as important as your life."

"I should have had my vest on," she nearly whispered.

"At the funeral? Kate, come on. This is not your fault. Everything was over. Lockwood was dead, and we were stuck just like in January. No one could have predicted that the guy behind this was going to keep going."

"I've been trying to figure that out, why now? Why this time? What did we learn that put the guy over the edge? What am I am supposed to know that made it necessary to kill me?"

"I think Montgomery knew the guy behind everything's identity. He probably thinks Montgomery told you before he went to the hangar that night," Castle offered.

"That's why Lockwood broke out of prison when he did!"

"What?"

"Montgomery was going to retire. The guy behind this thought Roy was going to come clean to me just like Raglan tried to. So he got Lockwood out of prison to take Montgomery out and just in case I already knew they had to kill me too," Beckett explained.

"Makes sense."

"But Montgomery wouldn't give me a name."

"I know."

"I begged him, Castle," she said as she tried to hide the emotion on her face.

"I could hear. God, Kate, I was shocked when he told you everything. He just called me that night and said that I needed to meet him there. He said your life depended on it. When I got there, all he said was that you were on your way, and I needed to hide until he called for me. He knew we were fighting and thought you would leave right away if you saw me. He said he had to talk to you first, but I had no idea that's what he was going to say."

"Me neither. I replay that night almost every time I close my eyes. I'm either back in the hangar or at the funeral and you're the one that gets shot instead," she quietly admitted and looked away.

"Kate," Castle gasped and reached for her hand.

"It's ok. I'm fine."

"The nightmare you had your third night here, you keep having it?"

"It varies but yeah. I wake up usually though before it gets too bad."

"I didn't know," Castle said quietly.

"It's not a big deal."

"You shouldn't have to deal with that. We should tell Dr. Kovacs."

"No, Castle, I'm fine!" Beckett answered quickly.

"I have them too, you know."

"You do?"

"It's a lot easier when I can wake up and see that you are ok right in front of me."

Kate just nodded. She understood. The first thing she did when she wakes is look for him, and if she was real quiet she could hear him breathing. She wasn't quite ready to admit that to him, but he probably already knew.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Drop me a review :) Next chapter will be up Thurs/Fri**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Thanks,**

**Meagan**


	11. Chapter 11

The day passed rather quickly. Jim came and spent the afternoon with Kate and Castle. The conversation was light and comfortable. Kate decided not to fill her dad in on the recent developments just yet. She didn't care if he knew, but she just didn't want to talk about it anymore. If she told him, she would have to talk about it. Her conversation with Castle had been draining enough. Thankfully, he decided it wasn't his place to tell Jim and let Kate guide the conversation without bringing the topic up. Jim headed out after dinner.

"Do you care if I stay tonight?" Castle asked a few minutes after Jim left.

"No, it's up to you."

"Well then I will."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, let me just call Alexis and my mother so they know," he said.

"How was Alexis last night?"

"Good. I think she's handling things really well."

Kate just nodded.

"You shouldn't feel guilty about anything. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I do," she replied unconvincingly.

"But knowing it and believing it are different things."

"Yeah, they are."

"Kate, you didn't do anything to feel guilty about."

"I put so many people in danger."

"Everyone is fine, and everyone is going to stay fine," he answered.

"Your family should not have to go through all this."

"Neither should you, but we are in this together."

"I know, but..."

"But nothing. Everything is going to be ok. No matter what we'll figure it out. This is not your fault and you did nothing to deserve what happened to you. Got it?"

"Got it," Kate whispered after a moment.

"I'll be right outside," Castle said as he gave her hand a squeeze and stood up.

He kept his call brief. Martha and Alexis were not surprised he was staying at the hospital and promised to come by and visit tomorrow. When he went back in Kate's room, Amy was in there, so he just took a seat.

"How are you feeling?" Amy asked as she recorded her latest vitals check in Kate's chart.

"Good. Kinda tired, but no pain really."

"Something wrong?" Castle asked noticing Amy's tone was slightly concerned.

Amy nodded and turned back to Beckett, "You're running a fever."

"I feel fine," she said quickly.

"It's only 100.1, but we want to be really careful about infection. Dr. Geller is on call tonight. I'm going to page him and see if he wants to give you anything," she explained and headed out.

Castle got up from his chair and went to stand by Beckett's bed.

"I really feel fine," she said softly.

"I believe you," he nodded and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "But you are warm."

"I didn't want any more setbacks. After that arrhythmia..."

"Hey, let's see what Dr. Geller says. It could be nothing, like you said you feel fine."

"Ok," she answered and laced her fingers through his.

Amy and Dr. Geller walked in a few minutes later.

"How are you doing tonight, Detective?" The doctor asked.

"I thought pretty good, but I guess not."

"I wouldn't worry yet. I want to do some repeat blood work, but I took a look at yours from this morning, and it doesn't look bad. We look at your white blood cell count as indicator of infection. Your count is on the high end of the normal range, but still within normal. The concerning thing is that it is higher than it was yesterday. Not by a lot, but I still would like to start you on a low dose of antibiotics and some fluids to be safe."

"Why didn't you guys do that this morning?" Castle asked.

"Like I said her white count isn't abnormally high, and she wasn't showing any symptoms, so there wasn't a need yet. Now that she has a fever that changes. We want to be careful about the amount of antibiotics we use since she was on a pretty high dose right after surgery. It was important to head off the initial infection risk, but we need to watch that we don't overuse them," Dr. Geller explained.

"Ok," Castle nodded.

"I need to take a listen to your lungs as well. They've been clear, so if there is fluid starting to build up it's another indicator that an infection is starting. Pneumonia can be a big problem after the kind of surgery you had. We want to stay on top of everything," Dr. Geller told Kate.

"Ok," she answered and began to lean forward.

Castle put his hand on her shoulder to help.

"I'm fine," she bite out quickly. Kate knew she was being snippy, but she really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Ok, take a deep breath," Dr. Geller said as he placed his stethoscope on her back.

Beckett did as she was told. Well, she tried. Deep breaths were not the easiest thing in the world.

"Another," he instructed as he moved the stethoscope to the other side of her back. "Ok, sounds good. We need to get some new blood work and see if your white count is continuing to increase, but your lungs are pretty clear so it looks like we are catching it early. That's very good. We can stop the infection before it gets strong."

She just nodded.

"Try to get some rest," he said and left.

Amy drew some blood and started Beckett on the fluid solution. "Dr. Geller will decide what antibiotic to give you after he sees your lab results. I'm going to be heading home for the night, but Julie will be here if you need anything," she told them kindly and headed out.

"Do you want me to call Lanie?" Castle asked.

"No, I'll call after my blood work comes back, or maybe in the morning. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal."

"Ok."

"This sucks," she huffed out.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"Anything I can do?"

"Nope," Kate shook her head.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Castle wanted to say something, but he didn't know what to say.

"I really wanted to get out of here a few days early," Beckett admitted after a some more time passed.

"Maybe you can. We caught the infection early, so the antibiotics should knock it right out."

"Yeah, hopefully."

"And you've been doing really well the past few days."

"Yeah, it's just that things _were_ going well. Lanie said I was most likely to have another arrhythmia within a day or two after the first one, and after that I was probably safe. So I was finally over that fear and now there's a new problem."

"I know this has to be impossible for you," Castle said taking her hand in his. He kept waiting for her to yell at him about the constant need for contact, but she didn't.

"It's not easy on you either."

"I'm here with you. I'm doing ok."

"I just want things to be back to normal."

"They will be soon."

"Well I don't want everything to go back to how it was," Beckett said with a small smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Us. I don't want us to go back to denying everything."

"Me neither," he agreed with a smile of his own spreading across his face.

"I do wish we could have gotten here an easier way though."

"Definitely. I'm not a fan of this method," he agreed.

They looked into each other's eyes and the love between them was almost a physical thing in the air. Nothing mattered but the two of them. Castle couldn't help himself, he leaned in to kiss her. But he snapped back to reality and turned to kiss her cheek.

"I don't think I'm contagious, Rick." she chuckled.

"Hmm?"

"You can kiss me."

"Oh, um, I didn't think, uh."

"God, Castle, so eloquent."

"Sorry, I just... I'm so glad we took these steps forward in our relationship. So glad, but I'm not really sure what I'm allowed to do," he explained.

"Whatever feels right. I'm not in charge here. We're equals. Figuring it out together, right?"

"Yeah, together, " he smile.

"So..."

"So..."

Castle leaned in again, but just before their lips met-

"I have your lab results," Dr. Geller announced walking in the open door.

* * *

**A/N: I'm a cruel person lol Forgive me because this chapter is really early. Thank my biochem professor for moving my exam back. I promise the real kiss is coming soon. I've had my fun. Thanks for reading. Thoughts? Yay for reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Also some shameless story advertising for a previous story of mine  
**

** SPOILER FOR 6x04: **

**I wrote a story a while back about Castle's vest coming to the rescue if anyone would like to check it out in light of recent events. It's called Close to the Vest. Different circumstances but still relevant lol  
**

**Meagan**


	12. Chapter 12

"That was quick," Castle commented trying to ease the awkward moment. He's sure it probably looked way less innocent than it actually was.

"Um, yes. Our lab can do the basic tests pretty quickly. So, it looks like your white count has increased from this morning. I'm going to go ahead and get the antibiotics started. I talked to Dr. Kovacs and he agrees," Dr. Geller answered.

"Ok. How big of an issue do think this is?" Beckett asked.

"It's hard to tell. Right now, we have every reason to believe the antibiotics will work. We are catching it early. Except, for the fever you're not symptomatic, so hopefully it will clear up quickly."

"Ok, Thank you."

"If you do start to feel any changes, let us know immediately, ok?"

"I will," Beckett agreed.

"Ok, good. Julie will be in a few minutes to start the antibiotics, and she is also going to change your bandages again just to be safe."

"Wait so is it the wound that's infected?" Beckett asked.

"Probably not, Amy would have noticed earlier today when she did your last bandage change. The infection is more likely internal. Unfortunately, bullets aren't usually very clean."

"I understand."

"I'll be back to check on you in a bit," Dr. Geller offered and headed out.

"It could be a lot worse," Castle said after a moment.

"I know," she answered.

"Good evening, Detective Beckett," Julie smiled in her ever cheerful voice.

Kate just smiled in returned.

"I'll be out in the hall," Castle said and gave Beckett's hand a squeeze.

Julie washed her hands and quickly took care of changing Beckett's bandages. Even though it had been a week of twice daily changes, Beckett had yet to look down for more than a second or two at time. The first time she saw it at all, it completely took her breath away. She had seen bullet wounds a million times, but seeing one on her own body was an entirely different experience. There was also a long incision down her sternum from the surgery. Both the wound and incision were stitched together with thick dark thread. She had had stitches before but these were so different. So much more serious looking. No one had told her when the sutures were coming out and to be honest, she didn't really want to know. The skin surrounding it was a dark purple and considering how much hurt when anyone touched it, the concept of removing the stitches scared her. It was going to hurt like a bitch.

"All done," Julie announced breaking Beckett out of her thoughts.

"Oh, good," she said quickly trying to pretend she had been paying attention.

"I'm just going to get this started, and you'll be all set," Julie said as she reached for the iv bag she had sat on the table when she came in.

"Ok thanks," Kate replied.

"Let me know if you need anything."

Castle came back in when Julie walked out.

"It's only like 8, but I think I'm going to try to fall asleep," Beckett told him.

"Good idea. I'm going to read for a bit."

She turned the light off above her bed and tried to get comfortable. Beckett hadn't really been able to find a good sleeping position the whole time she had been in the hospital. Most nights she was so tired it didn't really matter, but tonight it seemed like it was going to be a struggle. Beckett laid awake for quite some time. She was growing increasingly uncomfortable.

"Kate, you still awake?" Castle asked noticing she was shifting around in bed. She had said she was going to sleep a half an hour prior, and Castle was afraid she was having a nightmare.

"Yeah, I don't feel good."

"I'm getting Julie," Castle said jumping up.

"No, I'm fine. I think that medicine is making me nauseous. I just need to fall asleep."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm ok."

"Alright, well let me know if you change your mind."

Kate just nodded and took a slow breath. Throwing up was so not in tonight's plan. She tried to hold out, but her stomach was rolling.

"How are you feeling?" Julie asked walking in.

"I'm really nauseous," Beckett admitted. She had given in and hit the call button.

"Any pain or dizziness?" Julie asked taking a look at the monitor.

"No more pain than usual."

"It could just be from the antibiotics. I can get you some anti-nausea medicine. Let me talk to Dr. Geller."

"Ok, thanks."

"Just in case," Julie said handing Beckett a pink plastic bowl. She turned to Rick, "Call me if you need me. I'll be right back."

"Will do," Castle answered and stepped up to Beckett's bed. "How can I help?" He asked running his hand soothingly up and down her arm.

"I'll be ok. I just really don't want to throw up."

"Just hang in there. Julie will get you something."

"I also don't want more drugs."

"I know," Castle said. "It will help though."

"If I start puking you should leave," Beckett said quietly. He could tell she was struggling to stay in control.

"No way. I'm a dad. Puke does not bother me one bit."

"Castle," She breathed out.

"It's not a big deal. Don't worry about me," he said gently.

"I-" she cut off as she leaned forward a bit and threw up into the bowl on her lap.

Castle put his hands on her shoulders and helped support her as she hunched forward. "It's ok, you're ok." He reached over and hit the call button. "You're ok."

She didn't respond and heaved again a few seconds later. Castle rubbed her back and whispered what he hoped were comforting words.

Julie and Dr. Geller came rushing in. Kate's whole body was shaking, and she was breathing heavily.

"Do you think you can lean back?" Dr. Geller asked gently. "You need to sit up straight. It will be easier to breathe."

Kate didn't respond, but Castle helped her sit back against her pillows. She closed her eyes and tried to sink back into them.

"Breathe through the pain," Dr. Geller said.

Castle desperately wanted to help, but he didn't know how. He could only imagine how much pain she must be in. Throwing up always sucked but with her injuries, it had to be excruciating.

"Detective! Kate! You're ok. You have to breathe," Dr. Geller yelled, his head snapping back to her from the monitor. "Give her 3 of morphine," He ordered Julie. He quickly took the nasal cannula off her face and replaced it with a mask. "I know it hurts, just give the medicine a minute to kick in. I need you to try and take some deep breaths."

Castle was terrified. He had been staring at her monitor for enough days to know what it should say. Her heart rate was up and her oxygen levels were down. She had tears running down her face, and her eyes were tightly squeezed shut. He doesn't really know where it came from, but he had to do something. Castle stepped up next to Dr. Geller and grabbed Kate's hand.

"I'm here, honey. You're going to be fine. I know this awful, but it's going to over soon. The pain is going to be gone soon."

All Kate could think about was the pain. It hit her like a freight train as soon as she threw up. The force and the pressure in her chest was unbearable. It was white hot and searing. The second time had been even worse. When Castle leaned her back, she thought for sure she was going to pass out. It actually seemed like a good idea. Her chest was on fire. Taking a breath was nearly impossible. She barely even felt Castle's hand in hers. She didn't register his voice at first either, but once she did she opened her eyes and looked at him pleadingly.

"You're so strong, Kate. You can do this. You got this," Castle said giving her hand a firm squeeze.

"The morphine should be working soon," Dr. Geller added.

Castle was kind of angry they weren't doing more for her. He tore his gaze away from Kate as her eyes closed again. The monitor showed her numbers were improving. He hoped that meant she was hurting less.

"Good, Good. Keep taking those full breaths. Nice job," Dr. Geller praised. "I'm going to take a listen to your heart," he told her and gently placed his stethoscope on her chest.

Kate opened her eyes again and looked at Castle. He gave her hand a hard squeeze, but stayed quiet knowing her doctor was trying to hear.

"Is it getting better? Can you rate your pain for me? You can just show me with your fingers," Dr. Geller asked seemingly satisfied with what he had heard.

"7," She breathed out. "It's letting up."

"A 7 for her is probably a normal person's 10," Castle interjected.

"I can give you more morphine now that your breathing is more controlled," Dr. Geller offered.

"Thank you," she replied. Her voice was small and muffled by the mask. Castle hated it. It didn't sound like her.

"Let's give her 3 more of morphine," Dr. Geller told Julie. "That should be enough to relieve most of your pain. Also it should continue to let up naturally. The force of you throwing up really wreaked havoc on your chest," he told Kate.

"I could tell," she let out.

"The good news is your heart handled the stress very well."

Beckett just nodded. She assumed that was a big deal.

"I'm going to let you rest. The morphine should make you sleepy. I'll be close by if you need anything," Dr. Geller offered.

"Ok," Beckett responded. She was already starting to drift off.

Dr. Geller and Julie headed out.

Castle reached over with one hand, his other still holding Kate's, and pulled the chair a small distance so it was right next to her bed and sat down.

She turned her head to look at him, "Thank you."

"For what? I couldn't do anything," he said dejectedly.

"Your voice snapped me out of it. God, Castle everything hurt so bad. I couldn't…" She paused and took a breath. "I couldn't breathe at all. I wanted to pass out. But then I heard your voice."

"Kate," He whispered.

"You did good, Rick."

He just nodded not trusting his voice. He looked down trying to hide his face. He didn't want her to see how close he was to crying.

"I'm going to sleep," she said quietly.

He reached up and adjusted the oxygen mask on her face. It had moved from her talking. He was pretty sure you weren't supposed to talk with those things on, but Dr. Geller hadn't put the cannula back on so he assumed she needed the extra help.

"I love you," Castle answered.

"You too," she mumbled as she let the pull of sleep take over

* * *

**A/N: I had a bad day, so Kate did too. I feel kinda bad taking it out on her. Despite my angst, I think it came out really well. I decided to make her scars a little different because I feel like there is no way they could actually be like they showed. I don't really understand. I understand the scar on her side from the chest tube, but I think she should have a scar along her sternum from the actually surgery too. But I'm not a doctor (Yet ****) so what do I know lol. Also, I have only seen the beginning of Rise a hand full of times. I actually tried to watch it for reference and it was too hard. I just can't. Anyways, let me know what you thought of this chapter. The response to this story has blown me away. Thanks so much. Next chapter might be a week or so. I have 2 exams coming up.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Meagan**


End file.
